On Standby

In psychology we have this very "scientific" term: the Bystander Effect. It literally is just what it sounds like. When an event occurs in a public space, those who observe tend to stand around and expect that someone else is going to take care of it. Example: a kid is being bullied at school. The other kids watch, laugh, encourage the bully, or in the very rare case, stand up for the kid. Thus, the bystander effect.

A few days ago God brought to my attention the way that the bystander effect occurs in His church, too. More often than not (in general), church members don't go out of their way to make a difference, be it by serving the pastor, greeting visitors, hugging the hurting, playing with kiddos, or even cleaning the bathrooms. I am blessed to be a part of a church where doing these things is second nature to most members, but it wasn't too long ago that I was attending a church where things like this went undone and people went uncared for because everyone was expecting someone else to do it.

Think about when someone is on standby for a flight. That person is completely passive, just waiting for the gate attendant to announce whether they have a spot on the flight or not. When we are "standby Christians" we are passive, just waiting for someone to tell us what we want to hear or give us what we need. The problem is that Christianity is not a passive faith. Can you imagine if Jesus had been a bystander? Things would be a lot different than they are today: the world wouldn't know of God's saving grace, chances are Jesus wouldn't have been crucified, and it is likely that you wouldn't be you.

God has called us to be more than bystanders. The very definition of our faith in Christ requires that our works follow that faith. Christ was a servant before He was anything else, and to stand by and watch others in need and do nothing is being like the Pharisees in the Bible. (Jesus wasn't a huge fan of them, btw.) Instead, we have a call to action. The very purpose of our lives on this earth is to point to our Heavenly Father, Creator, and King in every aspect of our lives. As a good friend of mine said the other day, "We're only here as vessels for God. This life isn't about us at all."

Rules for Dating God's Daughter

I'm sure most of us are familiar with the rules that a caring father has for men that want to date his daughter. Things like have her home by 10, don't break her heart, get to know her family, etc. We've all seen movies or TV shows where the dad threatens the kid with sure death if he does anything to hurt the man's little girl. There's that ounce of reverence in the boy's heart toward the girl's father because he knows that this man means business. I remember my dad telling me about his "application to date" his daughters and how he plans to "bring out the guns" upon first meeting potential suitors. At the time we all kind of knew he was jokingly serious, mostly because we didn't have boys lining up for a chance with us.

But have you every considered that God has rules for dating His daughters too? God designed romance, love, and relationship, so it's only logical that He would have an intended way that dating should occur. I believe that God intends for dating to occur with the intention of it leading to marriage. Casual dating, friends with benefits, hook-ups, and similar arrangements just don't fit with God's design for a man and a woman to become one flesh. Rather, those arrangements take what God meant for beauty and glorifying Him and makes it meaningless, purposeless, and hurtful. If you've ever had your heart broken, you know exactly what I mean. God doesn't impose rules to make life miserable or boring; He asks us to live a certain way because He knows it is the best way we can experience the life He created us to have.

Using the model of biblical marriage and Christ's love for the church, I've outlined some scriptural rules that God has for dating His daughters (Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Titus 2, 1 Peter 3):

• Put her before yourself
• Cherish her for everything she is
• Lead her into closer intimacy with Christ
• Help her see how beautiful she is
• Defend her from those who try to hurt her
• Challenge her to live God's way

Girls! All this doesn't mean that you're off the hook!! You still have the responsibility to respect and honor him, submit to his godly authority, and trust in his ability to lead you. You are not entitled and shouldn't behave as such; you are, however, deserving of a love that reflects Christ's love for you. If the man you're with can't or won't do these things for you, isn't challenging you to grow in your faith, or is harming your relationship with God, your family, and your friends, it's time to move on. Break it off, cling to God, and patiently await the man that He is preparing for you.

Why Singleness is Actually Amazing

I've always been single. Never dated. Never even had a guy show interest (that I know of - I mean, I'm pretty inept at being able to tell...). In high school it didn't matter because hardly anyone actually dated (we were all a little too busy with those crazy AP classes and all things Christian school to date). In college, it still didn't really matter because most of my friends were single, too. It didn't really start to bother me until I became one of the only people left in my friend-group to be single. Now, I am one of two people in my friend-group who is not engaged, married, and/or having kids. At first this was extremely isolating. It's hard watching your friends fall in love, be surrounded by family, and know that when you go home the only one to greet you is your stuffed animal.

When this topic comes up with adults a bit more seasoned in life than me (i.e. old enough to be my parents), I get a lot of mixed comments. Some of them are gung-ho on finding me a man - like literally start to point them out and say, "What about that one?" Others of them say things like, "This is such a great chance for you to be independent and learn about yourself." or "Think about how much you couldn't do if you were tied down to a husband and family right now." And then the ones at church are often the ones to say "God is bringing you the man of your dreams; just be patient." If you've been single for your whole life, you know how annoying all of these responses are. For me, this was pushing me toward isolation, loneliness, and self-doubt. One night I looked God right in the face (ok, not quite literally) and told Him how frustrated I was with being so alone here, how being this far from my family and closest friends feels so wrong, and that I hated having to be patient even longer.

The response I got from Him opened my heart and mind to a new idea that a lot of singles don't discover. God showed me that if I were at home, I would still be relying on my mom and dad for emotional support, wanting them to commiserate with me over the hard days, and staying stagnant in my young adulthood. If I were at home, I would be attending a church where my past haunts me and my relationships have faltered. If I was dating, I would be seeking attention from a man who would likely take advantage of my history of codependency. But because I'm here, living alone, and feeling isolated, the only One I have left to run to is God. I have to rely on Him for emotional support, bring my hard days to Him, share my hurts and joys with Him, and live beyond my past. Here, I attend a church full of love where my past doesn't define me and I am challenged to live more like Jesus every day. Here, I have found friendships with people who love me too much to let me continue living life the way I always have. Here, I am growing, and not becoming independent,  but learning how to properly depend on God as my everything.

A lot of people say that being single is the greatest time in your life because you learn to do everything for yourself. I beg to differ. Being single is an amazing season of life, but it is because that is the prime time for learning how to trust God with your whole life and let Him help you through all the ups and downs. If you're not whole in Christ as a single, your brokenness is going to be permanently attached to someone else's brokenness, and you'll need a lot more healing to be whole as a couple.

Reign

Romans 6:12, "Do not let sin reign in your body."

The word reign can be understood in two different ways:
1. to rule over, make all decisions for (sovereign)
2. that which advises the decision maker

At royal court, there are varying degrees of authority. The King or Queen is the most powerful, but they have advisers that temper that power. If at any time one of the people they have at court is known to be a traitor to the crown, action is taken to remove that person and all of his influence at court as to prevent a threat to the royal family, the palace, or the nation.

When sin is allowed to stay at court in your heart or mind, it causes a traitorous uprising amongst them. It begins subtly taking control of your thoughts and actions, and you don't even realize how easily you hand over your power and authority. Soon, it is no longer you that is truly making your decisions, but rather the clouded judgment that sin has brought in. Sin is a traitor - it doesn't want what is best for you. It just looks enticing and friendly in the moment to get you to look away as the Enemy steals from you and attacks your palace.

So, how do we stop this? We are choice-makers. We have the ability to choose whether sin is allowed to stay at court or we take action against the traitor and all its influence. When sin tries to re-enter and advise us on our decisions, we have the power of Christ to make it leave and never come back. One work from us in Jesus's name makes the order final, just like when a king's seal is placed on an order to his people. There is no questioning the king's order, no trying to convince him otherwise. Once you've ordered sin out of your court, nothing and no one should be able to change your mind. Remind yourself of sin's traitorous nature and the harm it wants to cause in your life. Stick to your order and ask the Holy Spirit - your right-hand adviser - to help you. When the temptation comes to let sin back in, the Holy Spirit can be there to remind you of why you ordered sin out of your court and the havoc it was causing.

Royalty and the royal guard never lose their vigilance in protecting their court from the enemy. They know that if they do, the life of the king or the entire nation is at dire risk. they take all threats against the king seriously and protect him to the fullest extent. The same goes for the Holy Spirit and angels in the Christian's life. If we step into a danger zone, there is only so much the Holy Spirit can do to keep us alive and well - He cannot defy our free will to choose danger. We have to be vigilant at all times - it's when we get lax that sin can easily re-enter and destroy us.

Freedom Isn't Free

Romans 6

Baptism is representative of one dying to sin, sickness, and depression with Jesus Christ on the cross, and being resurrected with Him in the same power that gave Him new life. When we go back to the things that have died and let them have a place in our lives, it is like we are denying the death and resurrection of Christ. We were resurrected with Christ and have the power to overcome sin and death. It is our choice whether we do overcome. Why would a man freed from slavery and given power over the slave master go back to him and ask to be his slave again? People who have gained their freedom stand on that freedom and fight to protect it. They do all they can not to go back to slavery. It is a fight, though, to stay free - often the way of life in slavery was easier, less demanding, even so filled with a lot of pain and punishment. Some people give up the fight and go back because life there seemed easier - you just do what you're told to do, you make no hard choices.

We have to remind ourselves every day why we chose to leave slavery and what we are chasing after, fighting for. Freedom from sin comes with a price, but it also comes with a great reward.

When temptation to sin comes:

• Rebuke it and the devil the Jesus's name
• Take the thought captive in Jesus's name
• Plead the blood of Jesus over your mind, will, and emotions
• Do the righteous opposite of what the temptation is telling you to do

When you catch yourself in sin:

• Repent to God and to the person you sinned against (if possible)
• Forgive yourself as Christ forgave you
• Do whatever is necessary and possible to repair the damage
• Plead the blood of Jesus over your mind, will, and emotions
• Remain vigilant, guarding your heart from attacks of the enemy

At the end of the day:

• Ask God to reveal to you any sin that you still need to repent of
• Be willing to hear and acknowledge it with humility
• Do what must and can be done to repair it, involving the other person if possible
• Praise, worship, recommit to being vigilant of sin
• Plead the blood of Jesus over your mind, will, and emotions
• Command the devil to flee in Jesus's name and have no dominion over your thoughts and actions

At all times: CONFESSIONS, PRAISE AND WORSHIP

Integrity is My Only Option

Everything I do plants a seed or waters one that someone else planted, and my actions can determine whether that seed and water brings eternal life or eternal death. Thankfully, it's not me who brings growth to the itty bitty seed, but God uses my labor and love to produce His life in those He has given me influence over. Therefore, I need to constantly be aware of how I am building on the foundation that Christ laid.  What materials am I using? Am I willing to give my very best to help build the temple of God? Helping to build Christ's church is going to cost me - how much am I willing to spend?

In 1 Corinthians 3:5-17, Paul explains how our work builds upon the foundation of Christ, and in time, that work is going to be tested by God's holy fire. If we use flammable materials, our work will be destroyed and come to nothing; but if we use precious materials like gold, it will outlast the fire and become more pure as a result of it. Either way we are rewarded in heaven, but those who build with gold are rewarded at a greater measure.

Gold in this analogy is like our life - the most everlasting substance that becomes more pure as it endures more flame. What does it look like to give one's life for Christ in today's world?

• Leaving behind selfish desires that do not glorify God
• Thinking about how what you're going to do will effect the Kingdom of God

In countries represented by kings, the loyalest of subjects always thinks about how their actions will reflect on their king. They wouldn't enter into a battle or kill a man or even ride to another town without their king commanding it or thinking about the motive and the mission the king assigned. If he went against the king's wishes to any degree, he was punished even unto death because the king knew the importance of maintaining his image and reputation for the sake of his kingdom.

My King is Jesus Christ, and I must view Him with an even higher regard, acting only within His motive and mission, pursuing only the battles He assigns to me, and acting and living in a way that accurately and beautifully reflects who He is. My contributions to the Kingdom will be tested under fire. My life is saved, but there will be pain - a cleansing burn - if the materials I build with are not fireproof.

I want to give my life - my gold - to build the Kingdom of God. That means there are things I will no longer be able to do because they go against my love for Christ. With the Holy Spirit's help, I will discipline my mind and body to behave and function according to the will and nature of the Spirit of God. As I am transformed from glory to glory, my nature becomes more like His. Old ways of living have fallen away, and my desires change to fit His. The focus is NOT on not doing certain things but rather on doing those things which lead to transformation. The "not doing" becomes a byproduct - the fruit - of my new nature in Him.

How would Jesus respond to marriage equality?

When the Supreme Court ruling came out in support of marriage equality, social media blew up. We all saw it and many of us probably responded in one way or another. I purposely avoided responding to anything related to it because I wanted the time to really seek God's heart on this issue. Not just on how to treat those who live a different lifestyle than I do, but how to move forward as a Christian in a world that increasingly doesn't want Him. I spent some time in the book of John, exploring every interaction Jesus had with non-believers, and I came up with this image of Christ's response to the world around Him.

• His heart breaks with love for the sinner (John 3)
• He would treat them better than anyone else does - something they wouldn't expect from a Christian (John 4)
• He knows that the dead (physically and spiritually) will hear the voice of God and live (John 5)
• He would not pick and choose who can receive from Him (ex: feeding the 5,000 - He fed everyone in attendance) (John 6)
• He would be rejected by His family and friends who disagree with His teaching (John 6 & 7)
• He would NOT condemn them but tell them to "go and sin no more" (John 8)
• He would NOT force them to believe or live according to His Word. He knows the truth and the freedom it provides, but He also knows that judgment will get Him nowhere (John 8)
• He is a shepherd: a gentle leader, protector, and healer. He searches for the lost, broken, and hurting and knows what they need. He offers to meet those needs and endures their stubbornness. They follow Him because they know he'll provide for them and keep them safe. (John 10)
• He would NOT judge those who don't believe (John 12)
• He would disregard what others think of Him and follow the lead of the Holy Spirit (John 12)
• He would love them with agape (unconditional) love. Love is a choice to give up one's own needs or wants, not based on feelings, beliefs, or "chemistry" (John 13)
• He would be hated and persecuted by the world, and He would give His life for them anyway (John 15)
• He would rely on the Holy Spirit to grow in agape love, endure persecution, and be confident in who He is to God (John 15 & 16)
• He would PRAY (John 17)
• He would die so they can live (John 19 & 20)

In the wake of all that has been happening in America, from war to violence to denial of scripture, my mind has raced and my heart has struggled to know how a Christian should respond. How do you love someone unconditionally without saying their sin is okay? This is what the Holy Spirit showed me:

• Spend time with them, get to know them and their heart, build a relationship
• Spend time with Jesus. Maintain your own Christian walk and grow intimate with Christ
• Get to a place in Christ where they can see that you're different and want what you have
• When that door opens, teach and challenge them in the love of Christ

God loves us too much to let us live in sin because He knows that sin leads to death BUT He accepts us as we are now and gives us the love and support to become the person He created and designed us to be.

When a designer is putting together a project, they spend a lot of time planning, looking at ideas and options, deciding the best way that they want to present their image or message. They try various looks and characteristics together, play with fonts, colors, and graphics until it is just right. All of the trials along the way may be good, attractive, and appealing; but the designer has a vision in mind of what he or she wants the end product to look like. Only the designer knows perfection. When God designed each of us, He had a purpose and intention for our life. He knew which characteristics would best fit together to serve that purpose. To anyone else we might just seem "good," "attractive," or "appealing," but to the Designer we are perfect because He knows the exact purpose, image, and message for which we were created. His love and pride for His creation never fails, even if the creation fails to live up to its purpose. God doesn't cast us off and leave us to be ruined. Instead He comes and makes little changes to our character to restore us to His original vision. 

God loves us exactly the way we are but loves us too much to leave us that way.

Be Like David

I've always admired and esteemed David - a man after God's own heart. I've wanted to be like him, know God the way he knew Him. In reading the Psalms we get a beautiful picture of David's intimacy with God. David pours out his heart to God in every circumstance. He is honest and authentic in how he relates to God and about how he experiences life on earth. His transparency may seem disrespectful to some as he does not hold back his anger from God; but in every Psalm where anger is expressed, David submits himself in praise and worship, too.

Something that stood out to me today as I read Psalm 118 is that David "called on the Lord in distress" (v5). Now, this is nothing new to me, and he writes this in many of his Psalms; but today as I was reading it, it was like God said "this is how you get close with me." We all know the stories of how badly David messed up - adultery, murder, pride, covetousness - and it doesn't always make sense how a guy who has done all that can still be called a man after God's own heart. Cue the beauty of agape love. God's love transcends all of this sin and keeps us in right-standing with Him. It's not about all of the bad things David did or the depression and oppression he experienced in his life. It's about how he responded to those things. David called on the Lord.

In my own life, I have found that the way I respond to sin, hurt, disappointment, or depression can have two resulting effects:
          1. It can bring me closer to God and let me know Him deeper
or       2. It can push me away from Him to the point that I'm too ashamed to try to come back.
Obviously, I prefer the first result, so I must learn to respond accordingly. My response is a choice. And oftentimes it's a hard one - in the midst of that sin or hurt or depression, it feels a whole lot easier to react with my emotions, wallow in my sorrows, and pity myself. In the moment, that feels amazing. But later on it feels utterly miserable. In that moment of making the choice of how I am going to respond, I have to remind myself what the long-term result will be.

In following David's example, moments of sin and pain are meant to be opportunities to call on God. It takes humility to acknowledge sin or hurt and allow someone else to fix it ~ praise the Lord that Christ made it possible to be fixed! When we take up that humility and call on the Lord, it gives God the opportunity to exalt us, heal us, and make us whole again. If I really want to know God the way that David did, I must intentionally choose to let Him know me and heal me and restore me instead of running and hiding from Him.

There's Only Grace Now

I am absolutely loving what I'm doing. A couple of months ago I probably would have said something more like, "What did I get myself into?" Or, "Alright, that's it, I'm moving home to be a kid forever!" (Ok, I still have both of these thoughts on occasion, but now I know deep down I'm really just kidding.)

When I first moved to Winona Lake, I went through that honeymoon period. Everything was so new and exciting. I was living in the apartment I had had dreams about since signing the lease. I was connecting with people in my program cohort. Things were so great. But then in the thick of learning all things counseling, I hit that regret and confusion phase that every grad student does. Am I really supposed to be here? Is counseling really what I want to do? Am I always going to be this bad at counseling? I seriously lost track of how many times I contemplated dropping the program, how many times I called my mom and said I couldn't do this. But I pushed through, and here I am, knowing what my passion is and so excited that I have the chance to live it!

This sort of passion and perseverance is exactly what the devil wants to stop in our lives. And he knows exactly what he needs to do to each of us individually to stop God's plan in our lives. For me, it is making me feel isolated. Even when I'm surrounded by people and even have a few express their care for me, if I'm not on my guard, I can have thoughts slipping in that tell me I'm all alone in the world, nobody cares, and people aren't here for me when I need them. But I know good and well that's not true at all.

In the recent weeks of finishing my first year of grad school, I have been faced with this isolation a lot. Friendships have grown apart, stress has been overwhelming, and life has been plain exhausting. But there has been one place of solace, One person who has stuck it out, and the only thing to bring peace when peace is the most senseless thing to be had. I find myself taking on humility on a new level, recognizing that my own strength will not lead me to over come; I am only sufficient when I am in Him, and His strength is made perfect when I am at my weakest. I have felt more love, more purpose, more intimacy with Christ in these last weeks than I have in almost all the time since moving here. I recognize areas where I still need to grow and that will stretch me thin until I’ve been made complete; but in this moment, there is only grace now, and grace is all I need.