On Standby

In psychology we have this very "scientific" term: the Bystander Effect. It literally is just what it sounds like. When an event occurs in a public space, those who observe tend to stand around and expect that someone else is going to take care of it. Example: a kid is being bullied at school. The other kids watch, laugh, encourage the bully, or in the very rare case, stand up for the kid. Thus, the bystander effect.

A few days ago God brought to my attention the way that the bystander effect occurs in His church, too. More often than not (in general), church members don't go out of their way to make a difference, be it by serving the pastor, greeting visitors, hugging the hurting, playing with kiddos, or even cleaning the bathrooms. I am blessed to be a part of a church where doing these things is second nature to most members, but it wasn't too long ago that I was attending a church where things like this went undone and people went uncared for because everyone was expecting someone else to do it.

Think about when someone is on standby for a flight. That person is completely passive, just waiting for the gate attendant to announce whether they have a spot on the flight or not. When we are "standby Christians" we are passive, just waiting for someone to tell us what we want to hear or give us what we need. The problem is that Christianity is not a passive faith. Can you imagine if Jesus had been a bystander? Things would be a lot different than they are today: the world wouldn't know of God's saving grace, chances are Jesus wouldn't have been crucified, and it is likely that you wouldn't be you.

God has called us to be more than bystanders. The very definition of our faith in Christ requires that our works follow that faith. Christ was a servant before He was anything else, and to stand by and watch others in need and do nothing is being like the Pharisees in the Bible. (Jesus wasn't a huge fan of them, btw.) Instead, we have a call to action. The very purpose of our lives on this earth is to point to our Heavenly Father, Creator, and King in every aspect of our lives. As a good friend of mine said the other day, "We're only here as vessels for God. This life isn't about us at all."

Rules for Dating God's Daughter

I'm sure most of us are familiar with the rules that a caring father has for men that want to date his daughter. Things like have her home by 10, don't break her heart, get to know her family, etc. We've all seen movies or TV shows where the dad threatens the kid with sure death if he does anything to hurt the man's little girl. There's that ounce of reverence in the boy's heart toward the girl's father because he knows that this man means business. I remember my dad telling me about his "application to date" his daughters and how he plans to "bring out the guns" upon first meeting potential suitors. At the time we all kind of knew he was jokingly serious, mostly because we didn't have boys lining up for a chance with us.

But have you every considered that God has rules for dating His daughters too? God designed romance, love, and relationship, so it's only logical that He would have an intended way that dating should occur. I believe that God intends for dating to occur with the intention of it leading to marriage. Casual dating, friends with benefits, hook-ups, and similar arrangements just don't fit with God's design for a man and a woman to become one flesh. Rather, those arrangements take what God meant for beauty and glorifying Him and makes it meaningless, purposeless, and hurtful. If you've ever had your heart broken, you know exactly what I mean. God doesn't impose rules to make life miserable or boring; He asks us to live a certain way because He knows it is the best way we can experience the life He created us to have.

Using the model of biblical marriage and Christ's love for the church, I've outlined some scriptural rules that God has for dating His daughters (Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Titus 2, 1 Peter 3):

• Put her before yourself
• Cherish her for everything she is
• Lead her into closer intimacy with Christ
• Help her see how beautiful she is
• Defend her from those who try to hurt her
• Challenge her to live God's way

Girls! All this doesn't mean that you're off the hook!! You still have the responsibility to respect and honor him, submit to his godly authority, and trust in his ability to lead you. You are not entitled and shouldn't behave as such; you are, however, deserving of a love that reflects Christ's love for you. If the man you're with can't or won't do these things for you, isn't challenging you to grow in your faith, or is harming your relationship with God, your family, and your friends, it's time to move on. Break it off, cling to God, and patiently await the man that He is preparing for you.