All Put Together... Really?

It's crazy what happens when you realize that a person that you could not imgaine having problems all of the sudden reveals to you all the things that go wrong in their lives. It's easy to make a person out to have everything together, even when you know they don't. Almost like a "don't ask, don't tell" type thing, or "out of sight, out of mind." I've been told recently that this is how some of my friends view me - the ones that don't know my history and haven't been close enough to me to experience my struggles with me. I've been on both sides of this, thinking that a friend or classmate of mine has it all together, and being the one that appears to have it all together to everyone else looking in. Truth is, no one has it all together, and when we come to realize this, it makes us love the people in our lives even deeper, in the way that God loves them.

As I'm thinking about this I'm reminded of a good friend and classmate I had in high school. She came to our school in freshman year and seemed like she was instantly loved by all. At first I refused to get to know her too much because I had been there my whole life and never had anywhere near that much attention. Gradually, I came to respect her a little more each year because she was a pretty nice person; but I always kind of had the idea that nothing ever went wrong for her. She gave the appearance that things were always peachy in her little world. Her parents were happy, she had a great family life, she wasn't super rich, but she wasn't almost on the streets, and she was a decently nice person. It wasn't until an encounter I had with her during senior year that I recognized that she experienced all the same human emotions and struggles that we all do. I knew in the back of my mind that she dealt with things - everyone does - but because those things were never exposed and she kept up appearances, it was easy to assume and act as if nothing ever happened to make her life hard.

In senior year we were required to give Senior Speeches, a sort of testimony of what we've experienced God do in our own lives as a way to share our faith. Right before writing her speech, she and I had a decently deep conversation about life and God, and I shared with her some of my struggles, mainly because she asked. But I didn't ask her about her own struggles because I felt like she wouldn't really be able to relate to me anyway. A few weeks later, though, she gave her senior speech in front of the entire school as one of the finalists. In her speech she talked very vulnerably about the struggles she had, especially before coming to our school, and how those struggles affected who she decided to be when she switched schools. And to my surprise, she even took pieces of our conversation and shared them anonymously in her speech to help make her point. At that moment, I realized how much this girl cared for me and how similar we were because she struggled too and we both had mastered the ability to hide our problems from the public eye. As soon as I knew she was talking about me in her speech, my heart melted, I lost any sort of bitterness and jealousy I held toward her, and to this day am so thankful that she is in my life.

I guess you could say that when we are told not to judge a book by its cover, it really is wise advice, because there is no way for us to know what another person could be struggling with. This kind of goes for the things we say and do to others too - without even realizing it, one word out of our mouth could be the last thing it takes to cause a seemingly happy person to fall into deep inner turmoil. And who knows, when you step back and realize that everyone is struggling, just in their own way, it makes us all a little more human and can open up great opportunities for dear friendships that God has inspired.