Fear and Apprehension = Pure Exhaustion

I've been realizing more and more lately how important it is to be constantly feeding on the things of the Spirit. I find myself in conversations where my flesh is very pleased to continue in the direction it is naturally heading, but at the same time, I am seeing infinite opportunities to turn it toward my Lord and Savior. Coming away from those conversations leaves me thinking a lot, especially when I choose to let them go where they will.

I am seeing, though, that God is giving me so many chances to be a light for Him in a place of darkness. One friend in particular tends to almost beg for God to be brought into the conversation but won't do it herself because she's not confident in her relationship with Him. I understand exactly where she is coming from and have been in that place so many times before. It can be so hard to open our flesh up to the things God desires because sometimes they aren't anything like what our flesh wants to have.

Another friend of mine has been really instrumental in challenging me to find God every single day whether I want to or not, and I have seen how the fruit of that time in seeking Christ really does spread. I get so excited about the things that God shares with me during my time with Him that it excites me to share it - which is why it's so annoying when my flesh overrules and makes it so hard, almost painful, to spend that time with God. Maybe, in reality, it's a fear of how He's going to react to our coming back and asking for a new start. But I've come to learn that fear is a lack of faith, often a result of pure exhaustion and being overwhelmed by trying to do it all ourselves.

But God desires us to be in close relationship with Him all the time. He doesn't change His mind based on what we've done that day or the desires we have. He is all the same and desires the same from us. We are His, He is with us, and we are precious and loved by Him, all the time, no matter what (Isaiah 43:1-4).

So, I guess we're left with two choices. #1 - push through, work harder, see what we can do/figure out = pure exhaustion; or #2 - rely on God and see what He can do, even when it's hard or scary to lose our sense of control = joy and strength.

My encouragement for you is that you would be purposeful about finding time to spend with God. Push aside your fears or apprehensions about going back to Him or having to ignore the fleshly desires that are so much easier to please. And don't go it alone. Things can be really tough sometimes. I get that more than most of you would ever understand. But find someone who can be an encouragement to you, who is going through the same thing you are, and work together to find God in your situations. He loves you and wants you to be with Him every second of the day.

Backstage Pass

Last night I had one of the best experiences of my entire life. I got to meet the music group that I have always wanted to meet. In fact, I’m pretty positive that I am their biggest fan of all time! The group is called BarlowGirl. They are a group of three sisters (with the last name Barlow – go figure!) in their twenties that are Christian rock singer/songwriters. They are from Chicago and their dad is a music pastor. Something I love about them, besides their completely genuine and authentic personalities, is their intense sarcasm. They banter and joke through most of their show and can make literally anyone laugh so hard their stomach hurts. I have been a fan of the girls and their music since they first came out when I was in middle school. You could say I was one of those to “discover” them, I guess. It has always been a dream of mine to meet them and tell them what a huge positive impact their music has had in my life, and last night I got to do that!

For my mom’s birthday (she’s their 2^nd biggest fan), we bought VIP tickets for their show at a church in Forest Lake, MN. My mom, my sister, my roommate, and I all went together. We made red fan t-shirts (with glitter!!!) and sat in the center 2^nd row, close enough to touch them! Before the concert we got to do a meet and greet, asking them any questions we wanted to and had a group picture taken with them. We became known as “the girls with the shirts,” and they even pointed us out to everybody else at the concert.

There were two headliners that were ok, but when BarlowGirl finally came on to do their acoustic set, I was thrilled! I was amazed at how the songs, even though done acoustically instead of as rock, sounded so much like the album version. The girls are absolutely stunning when they perform live – you can tell they really love what they do. They have an incredible ability to harmonize and blend with each other almost as if there is one voice singing three parts. They took time to joke around, but also to be serious about their message of hope in Jesus Christ. The whole night was just very real and intimate. They shared some of the things that are going on in their lives and encouraged us in some of the things we have going on in ours. They played a couple of Christmas songs and a new song they just wrote, but mostly they stuck to their well-known songs that very much embody their hearts of worship toward God. They played all of my absolute favorites which made it really fun to sing along. It was a really powerful night and I am so blessed to have been there to experience it.

At the end of the concert we got to have them sign the back of our shirts and talk with them for a little while. We told them how it was my mom’s birthday and about the cake I had made her (which they said we should have brought to share). I was so giddy after talking to them and having them sign my shirt that I wanted my mom to keep taking pictures of my sister, my roommate and me in our awesome, now highly valuable t-shirts. I said I wasn’t going to take it off and would just wear it to school on Monday; but I thought better of it and decided it needed to be kept from any potential harm. My infinitely valuable (to me anyway) autographed t-shirt is now safely tucked into my duffle bag to go back home with me so that it never loses its simple amazingness!

The night of December 4, 2011, I got to meet the three girls who have been the biggest inspiration and God’s tool in my life to build my faith and trust in Him. There is absolutely nothing like being able to share with someone the kind of impact they are making on your life and the lives of so many others that surround you. And that, basically, is how one of the single best nights of my life went down.

Yet Again

You know what's kind of funny in a not-so-funny way? The fact that God has to continually prove His faithfulness to us not matter how many times He already has. This week was one of those times for me that, because of the circumstances I was facing, I chose not to remember the benefits I have in Him (Psalm 103) that He has proven to me countless times. I was faced with the reality that I'm not really that much different from the Israelites in the way they lived their lives.

Throughout the entire Old Testament we see a pattern of the Israelites following God as if their lives depended on it and then falling away and even worshipping other gods, much like some of us do today. It's not something I'm proud of, but I would say I probably have a pretty "Israelite" pattern of living in my own life, and it frustrates me that it's so easy to fall away from what I know to be true. I tend to be a pretty stubborn person, and when I make up my mind one way, it's quite a challenge to get me to do things someone else's way. I also like to be in control, which means the idea of giving complete control of my life to Someone else is one of the scariest things imaginable. But what is even scarier is seeing how NOT trusting God with my life ends up in such utter terror and dispair.

Something I found encouraging the other day was a passage from Hebrews 10:19-11. A close friend of mine read it with me after some pretty intense circumstances arose and I marveled at how it listed out the fathers of my faith from the Old Testament who lived their entire lives known for their faith in God. I had this little lingering thought that having my name known for centuries after my death because I had such utter faith in God would be probably the biggest privilege and honor I was ever allowed to have. It occurred to me that they had this thing figured out - there was nothing in this world that was going to separate them from the promises of God, and they were stinkin sure of that! The model of the lives of men like King David, Joshua, Abraham, Moses, Noah, and Isaiah are laid out right in front of us along side God's instructions for how to live a life of faith that is pleasing to Him. He makes it so plain for us, and just to have us ignore it and decide we've got it handled on our own.

Well, I can tell ya folks, that I certainly do not have it handled on my own and He is standing there just waiting for me to run to Him and let Him be my strength when I am too weak to stand and fight. And He has surrounded me with an entire army of fighters that act as His strength in my life as well. The thought of this puts me in such perfect peace and I know that with their help I can live by my life verse:
You keep me in perfect peace because my mind is stayed on You and I trust in You. ~ Isaiah 26:3