Closer Than You Think

We've all felt the distance between us and God before, and I'm sure at some point every one of us has mumbled the phrase "He feels so far away right now" or something to that extent. Have you ever thought about exactly what that means or how things came to be that way? Maybe you have and you never really did figure out what caused it.

First, you have to understand the message of God's grace - a promise of grace is made to us in the Word over and over again, and alongside grace comes a whole slew of other promises: peace, mercy, rest, redemption - it's all right here waiting for us. But most of us choose (whether we realize it or not) to ignore it and keep on living life the way everyone else does.

Second, when God says He'll never leave you or forsake you, He's not just saying nice things - this is a promise! He also makes it clear that there is absolutely nothing that can separate you from His love, which means that once you have found His love, you can never ever lose it. Between these two promises, there is no possible way to be distant from God unless you, yourself, are the problem. God doesn't distance Himself from us; we distance ourselves from Him.

Think about this: how many times have you had a little voice trying to get your attention, and you've known it was God, and you pushed it away for whatever reason? How about those times when you've had a thought from the enemy come in, and rather than answering to it with God's Word, you continue to feed it until it overwhelms your spirit? What if God was your very best earthly friend - if you continued to push them away, how long would it take for them to begin feeling distant from you? But you can't blame that on them - that is ALL YOU!

Most of us can bring up a specific time in our lives that we have felt that distance from God, perhaps like He left you stranded high and dry in the middle of the worst desert of your life. But if what we just determined about God never leaving us is true, then isn't it, instead, us leaving Him in the middle of the desert, saying we can do this on our own? How do we find our way back to letting Him lead us through the desert instead of wandering in the dust and sand by ourselves?

Take a look at Psalm 42. The writer of this Psalm is in exile, most likely removed from the land of Jordan (The Promised Land). There are four things that the Psalmist does to remind himself of God's nearness. Set aside some time to go through these steps yourself:

• Acknowledge the places you've been putting your hope rather than in God. In verses 5 and 11, the writer tells his soul to put its "hope in God" and acknowledges that his soul has been looking elsewhere for hope.
• Talk to God about it - tell Him your feelings, your failures, everything, and repent. In verses 1-4, the writer is expressing everything he is feeling, not holding back, knowing that all he is has already been made exposed to God. In verse 6 he says directly to God that he is feeling down and out.
• Take some time to list and remember all the ways God has worked in your life. Continuing in verse 6 through verse 8, the writer begins to list the different situations where God has come through for him, both in the closeness of their relationship (verse 4) and in the times where He allowed catastrophe (verse 7).
• Recommit your hope to Him and PRAISE Him! In verse 11, the writer gives again the command to his soul to put its hope in God. This command continues on in Psalm 43, a continuation of this prayer.

For further reading and study: Hebrews 3-4 (NIV) talks about the importance of staying near to God and the blessings of rest that come from our obedience in that. (See labels below for more references)

A Little Step of Faith

For any of you who have known me well, it may come as a shock to you that I actually attended a college party tonight (sans alcohol of course) and truly enjoyed the whole thing. For the rest of you wondering why that's such a big deal, I'm going to divulge you on a little unknown tidbit about me and how God has worked through that piece of me to bring me where I am today. Read on!

Most people get somewhat nervous at the thought of branching out and meeting new people - but few people feel the level of anxiety I usually get in that sort of a situation. It's called social anxiety, and it's considered a sort of disorder that comes along side a lot of other disorders. Well, all that anticipation and thinking about the situation never gives me a chance to settle down and clearly think through a coming event in a rational way. It, in fact, does the opposite, gets me more worked up. But tonight was different - for the first time that I can remember, I had the opportunity to go to a party with a lot of people (we're talking at least 30 people I had NEVER met before - usually 5 unknown people is pushing it for me) and I was looking forward to it! Trust me, I used to never look forward to large parties unless there was some way that I could be assured that I would always have one of my close friends right next to me the whole time.

Anyway, I took the chance of being the one to ask a friend if she was going, and even had the guts to ask if I could tag along (I really don't like being the awkward new girl in a group of established friends). It was totally ok! Our little car of people got to know each other on the ride and the rest just kind of happened. Turns out, I wasn't the only one who knew hardly anyone, and because I didn't know anyone, I didn't have to live up to the expectations of the people around me - I could just BE me. What a freeing feeling it is to just be yourself.

Let me add that this party was sponsored by one of the Christian groups on campus, but the atmosphere was different from really any Christian social event I had ever been to. Just by being near these people you can tell they are all genuinely living life for God and His purposes. There was nothing selfish, mean, rude, or inconsiderate about anyone. That's not an easy thing to find, my friends. God has taken what could have been a really rough transition into a new group of people and made it one of the most rewarding things I've ever taken a chance on. Not that He hasn't proven His faithfulness enough already, but He continues to do so every time I step out and trust Him a little with an area of my life that has always been a struggle.

This is just one of many of those problem areas, but I can tell you all, God is ready whenever you are to take that step and make your life reflect His glory, even in completely unexpected ways. This morning I was contemplating skipping this party because I thought my anxiety would get in the way and make things awkward. I even had a friend on backup for me to call or text if I needed her support through this. But I didn't even once think to call or text her or anyone else! It really is God working in me to get me through an event like this with just the people I'm surrounded by. I'm so thankful for what He's doing, and I can't begin to say how much I would have missed out on by not going to the party tonight.

Life throws us a lot of little obstacles, but I'm learning everyday to look at them as if they were opportunities for a better tomorrow, not roadblocks for today.

Contentment and Self-Punishment: I am my biggest enemy

How hard are you on yourself? Ever thought about it before? Are the things you count as failures really failures, or are they just something you've done (or failed to do) that you've blown out of proportion?

I tend to be VERY hard on myself - so much so that I have friends tell me I need to cut myself some slack. Sometimes I agree with them, but most of the time I just push myself harder, as if to prove to them I can take as much as I care to dole out to myself. But what happens when the pressure you put on yourself starts to turn into something more like self-punishment? At what point do we need to say enough is enough, give yourself a little grace, and take things in stride?

At church this morning the pastor talked about being content in who you are and not comparing yourself to other people; but for the majority of the message I was thinking not of the other people I compare myself to, but the standards to which I compare myself. I have (finally) started to establish a sense of self-worth when it comes to being me and not being jealous of someone else's life, experiences, etc. but I have been noticing, especially in the last few days, that instead, I look at all my failures and shortcomings based on my own standards and start beating myself up for it.

Here's an example: This week I started a riding class that I was SO looking forward to after a whole summer of training in dressage and basic jumping. I even had people who had taken the class before tell me how much they loved it and that I would love it, too. Not so once the class actually started. I had a terrible first ride and was told very clearly by the instructor that nothing the horse did during our ride was because of the horse's misbehavior. He had actually done everything I had told him too, whether I realized I was telling him to do it or not. Well, I left feeling pretty darn defeated because I've been riding for years and I do work really hard in my lessons and practice rides. Here's the thing: my instructor was not being mean - he was merely telling me to relax. I was the one telling myself that I had failed, and it was partially because of how the ride had looked to the other girls in the class. Not to mention that I was essentially told the same thing by my trainer when I went for my lesson on Dream yesterday. Rather than thinking back through everything that had happened and figuring out how it could have been done differently, I beat myself up for it. I told myself I had wasted all this time and money on a sport that I'll never learn, that no matter how many hours I spend in the saddle I'll never improve, and I even told my mom I was ready to give up riding for good (not that she bought that for a second, but she's supportive no matter what I choose to do).

It took a night of sleeping on it, getting away from the barn, and taking a broader look at the whole situation. Turns out that my riding wasn't the only thing I had been beating myself up for - and none of it was fair at all. I came to the conclusion that a lot of the "problems" I've been facing lately have been a simple matter of not giving myself enough grace - room to make mistakes. Instead I was literally punishing myself for things in an effort to regain control and keep myself in check because no one else is here to do it; but what I was doing was in no way fair, healthy, or justified.

What it comes down to is this: I am my own biggest enemy, but I am also my own biggest motivator. The difference is that the motivation has to be bigger than the punishment and appropriate to the situation. If I can't love myself, give myself a little grace, and let things go, how will I ever be able to do the same for another person that God places in my care?

So back to the questions I asked before. Do you judge yourself a little too harshly? Or do you allow yourself room to make mistakes? I'm not saying to throw all things to the wind and give up caring, but there is a difference between caring about your success and failures and caring about YOURSELF. And one more thing - instead of working for myself (or others), I should be working for God and His kingdom (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).

The Restart Button

In the first two days of the semester, I have experienced God in ways that I had almost forgotten were possible; made new friends and rekindled relationships that had started to drift apart last year; and have gained a new perspective on what exactly it means to be me and do what I was made to do. I was actually somewhat surprised that so much good could come from such a short amount of time, but it wasn't without the bad. I guess that's just one more thing to put on the checklist of things well-learned in the past year. I've started to recognize the true value that exists in doing and being exactly what God has designed me to do and be; and it's a rather incredible experience that I am just having the opportunity to embark on.

I figured out over the summer that I have only 2 more semesters after this one before I graduate from the college that I have come to love so much; but it didn't really hit me until this afternoon when I was finishing my first section of the riding class I will be taking this semester what a privilege it is that I get to be in a place that is designed to be a safe place for self-discovery, personal development, and new experiences. I mean, seriously, how many students say that they can go ride a horse for 5 hours a week for school credit?! But that wasn't the big deal. The big deal came as I was walking across campus and was stopped by several people and told how much they missed me over the summer, or what they're looking forward to us doing this year, or encouraging me that I am handling things in a very responsible and mature manner for the situations I am facing. I realized that in this place I have not only had the chance to find myself and understand my calling, but I've been able to surround myself with people who will challenge and encourage me in my faith, my schoolwork, and in all other aspects of my life, and that those relationships were made to last.

With graduation so close (and yet so far) it almost puts me in a place of wishing I had recognized the right way to go about things sooner, had a chance to know these people longer, and taken charge of challenges instead of letting them get me down; but a conversation I had with someone who is becoming an incredible friend and encouragement to me brought everything into perspective: there's no way to learn the right way without making a few mistakes along the way. Those very mistakes are what build our character and give us the strength and stamina to face the next, larger obstacle that's waiting around the corner. So rather than trying to avoid conflict or challenges, or allowing them to defeat me and distract me from the progress I've made, I've chosen to hit restart, take everything I've learned, and apply it to every challenge that presents itself, knowing that God can use every challenge to produce patience, character, and a true testimony to his faithfulness. The best part is, I am more full of joy in this moment than I've truly been in a long time, and the only One who can take credit for that is my Savior Jesus Christ.

A Brother, A Skeptic, and God's Perfect Plan

It's not very often that we experience a day that stands out as being completely put together by God, but as I was thinking back through today, I realized that every single little piece aligned perfectly to what I asked God to do this morning. Every morning while I'm eating breakfast I read the day's entry in a book called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (I highly recommend this little power-packed faith booster!). Today's entry happened to be about asking God to speak through you before every conversation you have - how appropriate for a day where I spend 9 hours giving campus tours, talking with prospective students and their families, and intentionally leading conversations in such a way that makes UW-River Falls sound like the best place on earth (by the way, it does rank pretty high up there ;) ). So, as I was finishing my breakfast, I asked God to take advantage of the opportunities that presented themselves today with every family that saw my face at the college visit day. And He did exactly that!

In one of the question and answer sessions we (the student panel) were asked to tell the visitors where we graduated high school from, what year we are in college, and our major/minor of study. Usually with this kind of a question I don't specifically state directly out that I attended a small, private, Christian school in Brooklyn Park, however, as I was waiting for my turn to come I felt the strongest urging to say exactly that. Little did I know that there was a family that I had never met before in my life sitting in the audience who attend Living Word and were immediately drawn to this campus when they heard where I came from. The dad, Craig, came up to me after the session and asked me what private school it was that I went to. I said, "Maranatha Christian Academy" and his eyes lit up with a smile I wish I could have photographed. He said, "That's our church!" Of course, I had to share in his excitement and say, "Mine too! Been there my whole life!" Well, our conversation progressed and we talked about the Christian groups I'm involved with on campus and he asked if we could meet up after the tour to talk more and so I could meet his family. In the end it didn't work out for us to meet later, but if my willingness to put myself out there made for a memorable visit for Craig and his family, then I praise the Lord that they had a positive experience that might just be exactly what they needed to help them make their college decision. Perhaps I'll even get to see them at church sometime, even though it is an awfully big place.

As soon as Craig and I ended our conversation I walked over and joined the other tour guides, and one of the other girls I've been getting to know better asked me who the guy was that I was talking to. I said, "He goes to my church and I didn't even know it! But then again, my church has like 10,000 members..." She didn't even flinch at the number like so many other people do and said, "Do you go to Eagle Brook?"And for a second I had to repeat what she said because it was so unexpected, but I replied, "That's the church I go to when I'm at school, but he goes to the church I went to back home." We got into a conversation about EBC and she told me how it's the only church she's found so far that has actually sparked her interest - she identified herself as a skeptic but said that EBC actually makes it fun. While we had to break our conversation there, I made a point to talk to her more about it later.

This goes back further than it would seem - while I was on the staff retreat with the Admissions office in May, I felt very out of place and almost like I had a spotlight on me because I am the only one on the student staff who openly expresses my Christianity. When I got home from the retreat I was reflecting on it and almost trying to get God to commisterate with me over that fact, but He didn't let that last long. Right away I knew there had to be a bigger reason that I was chosen to be on that staff again this year besides my ability to perform the job well. All the sudden things are starting to come into perspective and I can't wait to see where God takes it!

So, overall, today was just totally God doing exactly what I asked Him to do. I haven't even mentioned yet the fabulous tours that I had with some of the families today and the excitement that I saw in the students about the opportunities and experiences that UW-River Falls has to offer. I had one girl look at her mom and say, "I am for sure going here!" That was enough to make the sore feet, tired voice, and long day completely worth it. That, and the doors that God is opening inch-by-inch in my relationships with people at my college. It makes me very excited to see what all He has in store for me this coming school year!.

Bible Studies

This is a list of some great studies in print from The Navigators, an International Campus Ministry that has been a huge encouragement to me in my faith during my time in college.

Finding Mercy:Wouldn't we all like to taste more of God's mercy? Especially for those struggling with the things heaped on us by our culture, life experiences, and relationships. There is hope to be found at the feet of Jesus.
GOD - Connecting with His Outrageous Love: This Bible study will help you explore the faithful love of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Experience the power of life in Christ as you learn how to hear and trust God’s gentle voice of truth.

How Do We Walk in the Light?

I sat down to read 1 John 1 - 2 (NIV) last night for the second time and I was struck by a question as I was getting to verses 5-7. This is something that I've read and heard many times, being raised in a Christian home; but as I looked at it, I realized that I wasn't totally sure about what it means to actually "walk in the light" in everyday life. I did a closer study on these two chapters, and this is what I came up with:

Ch 1:
                  darkness = sin (v 6)                                        light = God (v 5)
       *So to walk in the light means to walk in God - it doesn't mean we deny our sins (v 8) but instead acknowledge them, confess them to God, and ask Him for forgiveness (v 9). When we do this we are promised forgiveness and cleansing.
                  forgiveness: to grant pardon for or remission of; absolve; to cancel any debt
                  cleanse: to remove guilt from
       *Doesn't take away the consequences of sin, but brings complete restoration and takes away the residue of sin: the guilt, shame, fear, etc.

I often find I hide my sin out of fear of the pain involved in changing the way I live.      

Analogy Time:    
      *The forgiveness isn't the painful part - the cleansing can be. When we humble ourselves to God, take His hand, and let Him pull us out of our heap of shame, the act of being pulled up doesn't hurt us(forgiveness) because we are letting God do all the work. What hurts is when the shame tries to keep it's grip on us (our struggle or the flesh not wanting to let go or give in to the Spirit) as we are being pulled away. It can rip pieces of us away with it and cause open sores; but when we are pulled all the way out, God wraps His arms around us and His embrace covers us with a healing love that repairs the places where hurt ans hame have had their way with us.

If we deny sin we deny grace and ultimately reject Him altogether. (v 10)

Ch 2:

                  Jesus Christ = Advocate (v 1) and Propitiation (v 2)

       I've met and discussed with many people who have a hard time with the word 'propitiation' and I really don't blame them. Until now, I really didn't have a decent way of explaining what it means for Jesus to be the propitiation for our sins without mudding the waters even more. Take a look at this:

                  propitiate: to bring to a state of peace, quiet, ease, calm, or contentment; to reconcile -->

                  reconcile: to bring into harmony

How do we know that we know Him?

•  If we keep His commandments, God's love is perfected in us - brought to maturity (v 3)
• Walk just as He walked - in love (v 6)

       *The word from the beginning (referenced over and over in John's 3 epistles) is to love one another (1 John 3:11, Deuteronomy 10:12) (v 7)
       *The same commandment of love is also new as it is continually reapplied in our lives (John 15:9-13) (v 8)

                  Hatred = Darkness (v 9, 11)                                     Love = Light = God (v 10)
       *So, to walk in the light literally means to walk in love, and since God IS love, walking in the light is the same as walking in God

The mark or evidence of a true Christian is love.

How do we overcome darkness?

• Don't love the world or the things of the world (v 15)

       This doesn't mean we don't love the people in the world - we can love them while hating their sin

• Love one another - you'll abide in Him and will be given eternal life (v 24)

       True believers love one another and even love their enemies

                  Enemy: anyone who does not agree with the entire message of grace and redemption in

                  Christ Jesus

Evidence of Faith:

• Walk in obedience and love
• Deny our own interests on behalf of others
• Love one another with the love of Christ
• Pray for those who are living in sin

Now it's you're turn! Leave comments of practical ways that you have found to walk in the light, or walk in love, in your everyday life.