Rules for Dating God's Daughter

I'm sure most of us are familiar with the rules that a caring father has for men that want to date his daughter. Things like have her home by 10, don't break her heart, get to know her family, etc. We've all seen movies or TV shows where the dad threatens the kid with sure death if he does anything to hurt the man's little girl. There's that ounce of reverence in the boy's heart toward the girl's father because he knows that this man means business. I remember my dad telling me about his "application to date" his daughters and how he plans to "bring out the guns" upon first meeting potential suitors. At the time we all kind of knew he was jokingly serious, mostly because we didn't have boys lining up for a chance with us.

But have you every considered that God has rules for dating His daughters too? God designed romance, love, and relationship, so it's only logical that He would have an intended way that dating should occur. I believe that God intends for dating to occur with the intention of it leading to marriage. Casual dating, friends with benefits, hook-ups, and similar arrangements just don't fit with God's design for a man and a woman to become one flesh. Rather, those arrangements take what God meant for beauty and glorifying Him and makes it meaningless, purposeless, and hurtful. If you've ever had your heart broken, you know exactly what I mean. God doesn't impose rules to make life miserable or boring; He asks us to live a certain way because He knows it is the best way we can experience the life He created us to have.

Using the model of biblical marriage and Christ's love for the church, I've outlined some scriptural rules that God has for dating His daughters (Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Titus 2, 1 Peter 3):

• Put her before yourself
• Cherish her for everything she is
• Lead her into closer intimacy with Christ
• Help her see how beautiful she is
• Defend her from those who try to hurt her
• Challenge her to live God's way

Girls! All this doesn't mean that you're off the hook!! You still have the responsibility to respect and honor him, submit to his godly authority, and trust in his ability to lead you. You are not entitled and shouldn't behave as such; you are, however, deserving of a love that reflects Christ's love for you. If the man you're with can't or won't do these things for you, isn't challenging you to grow in your faith, or is harming your relationship with God, your family, and your friends, it's time to move on. Break it off, cling to God, and patiently await the man that He is preparing for you.

How would Jesus respond to marriage equality?

When the Supreme Court ruling came out in support of marriage equality, social media blew up. We all saw it and many of us probably responded in one way or another. I purposely avoided responding to anything related to it because I wanted the time to really seek God's heart on this issue. Not just on how to treat those who live a different lifestyle than I do, but how to move forward as a Christian in a world that increasingly doesn't want Him. I spent some time in the book of John, exploring every interaction Jesus had with non-believers, and I came up with this image of Christ's response to the world around Him.

• His heart breaks with love for the sinner (John 3)
• He would treat them better than anyone else does - something they wouldn't expect from a Christian (John 4)
• He knows that the dead (physically and spiritually) will hear the voice of God and live (John 5)
• He would not pick and choose who can receive from Him (ex: feeding the 5,000 - He fed everyone in attendance) (John 6)
• He would be rejected by His family and friends who disagree with His teaching (John 6 & 7)
• He would NOT condemn them but tell them to "go and sin no more" (John 8)
• He would NOT force them to believe or live according to His Word. He knows the truth and the freedom it provides, but He also knows that judgment will get Him nowhere (John 8)
• He is a shepherd: a gentle leader, protector, and healer. He searches for the lost, broken, and hurting and knows what they need. He offers to meet those needs and endures their stubbornness. They follow Him because they know he'll provide for them and keep them safe. (John 10)
• He would NOT judge those who don't believe (John 12)
• He would disregard what others think of Him and follow the lead of the Holy Spirit (John 12)
• He would love them with agape (unconditional) love. Love is a choice to give up one's own needs or wants, not based on feelings, beliefs, or "chemistry" (John 13)
• He would be hated and persecuted by the world, and He would give His life for them anyway (John 15)
• He would rely on the Holy Spirit to grow in agape love, endure persecution, and be confident in who He is to God (John 15 & 16)
• He would PRAY (John 17)
• He would die so they can live (John 19 & 20)

In the wake of all that has been happening in America, from war to violence to denial of scripture, my mind has raced and my heart has struggled to know how a Christian should respond. How do you love someone unconditionally without saying their sin is okay? This is what the Holy Spirit showed me:

• Spend time with them, get to know them and their heart, build a relationship
• Spend time with Jesus. Maintain your own Christian walk and grow intimate with Christ
• Get to a place in Christ where they can see that you're different and want what you have
• When that door opens, teach and challenge them in the love of Christ

God loves us too much to let us live in sin because He knows that sin leads to death BUT He accepts us as we are now and gives us the love and support to become the person He created and designed us to be.

When a designer is putting together a project, they spend a lot of time planning, looking at ideas and options, deciding the best way that they want to present their image or message. They try various looks and characteristics together, play with fonts, colors, and graphics until it is just right. All of the trials along the way may be good, attractive, and appealing; but the designer has a vision in mind of what he or she wants the end product to look like. Only the designer knows perfection. When God designed each of us, He had a purpose and intention for our life. He knew which characteristics would best fit together to serve that purpose. To anyone else we might just seem "good," "attractive," or "appealing," but to the Designer we are perfect because He knows the exact purpose, image, and message for which we were created. His love and pride for His creation never fails, even if the creation fails to live up to its purpose. God doesn't cast us off and leave us to be ruined. Instead He comes and makes little changes to our character to restore us to His original vision. 

God loves us exactly the way we are but loves us too much to leave us that way.

Burning Love - Topics on the Love of the Father

"Love burns bright enough to compel us, but hot enough to keep us humble." from "Finding Yourself in 'Love'" by Myles Werntz

There is something about love that draws us toward it. It causes us to do things we wouldn't otherwise do and encourages us to pursue it; but love also has a refining quality aobut it, meant to burn away our imperfections and make us our best. This quality leads us to finding humility because we realize that our best would not be present without a little bit of pain to draw it out of us.

Love is something that completes our human existance, makes us feel needed, and gives us an expression of the need we have for another person. It makes us feel esteem for ourselves and others. This craving for love that all humankind experiences is something that God designed within each one of us with the purpose of creating meaningful relationships with others and Himself. God has ways of fulfiling this craving with His own love and by placing people in our lives that show us His love in their own way.

What are three crazy things that love has compelled you to do? Leave your answers in the comment section!

1. Spend an entire evening talking to 2 International Students about everything from the American tradition of s'mores around the campfire to the most intricate details of our lives as Christians. This was such an encouraging experience for me and I learned first-hand how simple the love of God is.
2. Becoming involved as a leader on campus through the Freshman Orientation Program here at UW-River Falls. Not only did I get to impact a group of students new to campus as we spent three days together, but my relationships with them and the other orientation leaers continue to grow in the love of Christ as we discover more about each other and our own faith.
3. Stay out of a dating relationship out of love and respect to the man, myself, and both of our relationships with God. I know that dating is a huge part of the American culture, but I have chosen to wait until God leads me into my one and only relationship because I know His timing is perfect and His love will sustain me as I wait patiently on Him. I have chosen this path because I believe that God should be the center of any relationship I have, but especially a romantic one, so I want both of our hearts to be prepared by God and our relationships to be solid in Him before we begin our lives together.

Loving shapes our entire purpose because it is how we can universally communicate who God is and His love for us to anyone and everyone. As I prepare to work in the mental health field, love is becoming something I value more than anything else. It goes a long way in a patient's treatment. Being loved brings self-esteem and a lot of encouragement, knowing there is someone behind you all the time to support you no matter what. God's love in my life and it's ability to work through me is what gives me the confidence to follow what God has planned for my life.