Lesson 8: Healthy Boundaries

Something that anyone should learn early on in life is how to have relationships with healthy boundaries - whether it is with friends, teachers, coworkers, a boss, parents, or romantically. As soon as boundaries are crossed it is very hard to go back to the way things were. This goes for boundaries of trust, love, intimacy, anything. Over the past year I have definitely learned in many ways what this looks like.

Friends: I used to be someone very slow to trust, and I tend to still be that way; but when I meet someone who I just "click" with, it is easy for me to abandon all sense of caution and share deep parts of my heart with them. Sometimes that works out just fine, and other times it ends in utter chaos. One thing that I would say I've started "requiring" in my friends before I willingly share things with them is that we are on the same page spiritually. If we are both living our lives with God as center and defined by grace, I find it is much easier for both of us to keep the relationship on a healthy level. This also goes for the receiving end. If you have a friend that tends to share every aspect of their life with you and it is too much for you to take on or you feel as though you are carrying too much of their burden, you need to tell them! Take the time to sort through the boundaries in your friendship and make sure they are healthy and workable for both of you. If you tend to be that clingy or over-sharing person, ask you friend to tell you if it gets to be too much or if they need a break. Communication is vital. This should also be the starting point for any romantic relationship, except that physical boundaries should also be discussed right away.

Family: It can be hard to establish boundaries with family because they tend to know your best and worst, and often are the cause for both. If you are an adult, though, it is time to make sure the boundaries set between you and your parents are good for both sides - the parents are always going to love and care about you and it will be hard for them to "let go" as you get older and stop telling them so much about your life. Give them some grace. Do your best not to lose it on them if they ask where you've been - instead tell them nicely but ask them in the most loving way possible if you can have a little space within reason. Don't just strip them of everything they've ever known all at once. If you have siblings, you will most likely start seeing your relationships with them become more like friendships, especially if you aren't living at home anymore, but they will always be your siblings, so don't expect the rivalry to go away completely :)

Others: In more formal relationships or with those people you don't grow as close to, remember to keep them on a level of acquaintance. If you tend to wear your feelings on your sleeve or share your problems with anyone who will listen, you will need to work at keeping those boundaries up. That's what your close friends are for. Ease into those relationships and maybe they'll lead to friendships; but jump in head first and you may just find yourself gasping for air and wondering how you can end that particular relationship.

Don't forget: ³³ Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

I found this out the hard way with several friendships I had during my first couple years of college. Unfortunately I shared too much with a couple of these friends and it was too late by then. Thankfully, I was able to find a way to break off these unhealthy relationships and rebuild the others with healthy boundaries. I wish, though, that I had been more sensible in the beginning with choosing where I set my boundaries with those individuals.

Lessons from a Dolphin

I am constantly amazed at how God uses such simple things in our everyday lives to prove that He is just here for us, no matter what. Last night I decided to brave my not feeling so great to go out with friends to the Falls Theater downtown River Falls to see Dolphin Tale. Who knew that a thing as simple as a children's movie meant purely for entertainment could have so much packed into it?

First, the movie's main character is an 11 year old boy, Sawyer, who has no friends, does poorly in school, and who has lost his father. The incredible way the screenwriters use this background in the plot has so much meaning to it. This boy is positioned for failure, living a hopeless life everyday, until he finds a dolphin (Winter) on the beach and gets to be involved in its rehabilitation. The transformation that takes place in this boy as he opens up to the dolphin is almost unbelievable. All of the sudden he is pouring his whole life into helping this animal recover. It gave him something to have hope for, a purpose for waking up everyday. What's more astonishing is how much Sawyer learns about himself during this process.

This kind of reminds me of the way God puts certain things - events, people, etc. - inot our lives to help us to become all He wants us to be. In this case, Sawyer found purpose to his life by helping Winter, and then helped Winter to help other people, like his cousin Kyle. Through all of this, Sawyer never gave up on Winter or on himself - he always believed she would get better. How many of us can say that we aren't going to give up when hard times come? And how many that say that actually follow through? A lot of times people just want to lay down and let the waves of life crash over them while they slowly drown. These challenges are put into our lives to make us stronger and help us to become the people God meant for us to be.

Another thing about Winter is that she never gave up on Sawyer. She has a way of communicating with him and got him to understand her, the same way that God figures out ways to comunicate with us. Winter helped Sawyer to feel and to experience the love that he was never able to find with anyone or anything else. God loves us the same way - like no other man or creature ever could. Through learning to love Winter, Sawyer learned to love those around him, especially his family, despite all the pain he had felt from them over the years. A big theme of this movie was that "family is forever." Sawyer discovered this with his own family and Winter. God wants us to discover the "foreverness"of His family. He wants us to experience His love and to allow that love to teach us how we should love others.

Lastly, this movie depicted the utter beauty and creativity of God. Through the opening scenes of the dolphins swimming in the ocean, we see God's splendor and majesty. Throughout the movie we see a glimpse of God's sense of humor as a part of Winter's personality. We see how God has created us to have relationships with animals, with each other, and with God, and how God uses those relationships in our own personal growth.

Besides this being a wonderful movie anyway, this movie blessed me because it gave subtle depictions of God's majesty, creativity and sovereignty. From that perspective, I would say it's definitely a movie to see, and also an opportunity to take a look at your own passions and give them new life again, all while witnessing some of God's greatest creativity and glory in action!