Lesson 8: Healthy Boundaries

Something that anyone should learn early on in life is how to have relationships with healthy boundaries - whether it is with friends, teachers, coworkers, a boss, parents, or romantically. As soon as boundaries are crossed it is very hard to go back to the way things were. This goes for boundaries of trust, love, intimacy, anything. Over the past year I have definitely learned in many ways what this looks like.

Friends: I used to be someone very slow to trust, and I tend to still be that way; but when I meet someone who I just "click" with, it is easy for me to abandon all sense of caution and share deep parts of my heart with them. Sometimes that works out just fine, and other times it ends in utter chaos. One thing that I would say I've started "requiring" in my friends before I willingly share things with them is that we are on the same page spiritually. If we are both living our lives with God as center and defined by grace, I find it is much easier for both of us to keep the relationship on a healthy level. This also goes for the receiving end. If you have a friend that tends to share every aspect of their life with you and it is too much for you to take on or you feel as though you are carrying too much of their burden, you need to tell them! Take the time to sort through the boundaries in your friendship and make sure they are healthy and workable for both of you. If you tend to be that clingy or over-sharing person, ask you friend to tell you if it gets to be too much or if they need a break. Communication is vital. This should also be the starting point for any romantic relationship, except that physical boundaries should also be discussed right away.

Family: It can be hard to establish boundaries with family because they tend to know your best and worst, and often are the cause for both. If you are an adult, though, it is time to make sure the boundaries set between you and your parents are good for both sides - the parents are always going to love and care about you and it will be hard for them to "let go" as you get older and stop telling them so much about your life. Give them some grace. Do your best not to lose it on them if they ask where you've been - instead tell them nicely but ask them in the most loving way possible if you can have a little space within reason. Don't just strip them of everything they've ever known all at once. If you have siblings, you will most likely start seeing your relationships with them become more like friendships, especially if you aren't living at home anymore, but they will always be your siblings, so don't expect the rivalry to go away completely :)

Others: In more formal relationships or with those people you don't grow as close to, remember to keep them on a level of acquaintance. If you tend to wear your feelings on your sleeve or share your problems with anyone who will listen, you will need to work at keeping those boundaries up. That's what your close friends are for. Ease into those relationships and maybe they'll lead to friendships; but jump in head first and you may just find yourself gasping for air and wondering how you can end that particular relationship.

Don't forget: ³³ Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

I found this out the hard way with several friendships I had during my first couple years of college. Unfortunately I shared too much with a couple of these friends and it was too late by then. Thankfully, I was able to find a way to break off these unhealthy relationships and rebuild the others with healthy boundaries. I wish, though, that I had been more sensible in the beginning with choosing where I set my boundaries with those individuals.