It's Not a Competition

This weekend I was challenged with the fact of competition. The constant internal dialogue that goes through my mind comparing my life with the lives of others. The reality of how often I do the full once-over of all the other women in the room and think to myself "I bet she's never been through what I have" or "Thank God I'm smaller than her." Yeah, those sickening words run through more heads than just mine if anyone else is ever being honest. I thought about how often I think, "If only they could understand the stuff that has happened to make me the way I am" or "She's got it so easy compared to me" and realized that over the years, my past has been a sort of badge of honor for me. Like the more bad stuff that I can pinpoint that has happened to me, the better person I am now for it.

For example, when I share my testimony of God's faithfulness in my life, a lot of times my experiences with depression, anxiety, suicide, etc. come up. This weekend, when I was asked by a new friend what my story is, I was super convicted about how much of my past I share with some people. See, there's a huge difference between using simple details of your past to show how God brought you into new light in Him, and giving details that make people feel sorry for you, worry about you, or give you attention. That second one is, without a doubt, a form of pride, and not a healthy kind of pride. When I share my testimony, is it about what God did or about all the junk I suffered because of my disobedience?

It is likely that all of my readers have heard "Let It Go" from the Disney movie "Frozen." One of the lyrics in the song is "the past is in the past" and I don't think we quite understand how important that is in our Christian lives. Paul tells us in Philippians 3:13 to forget what is behind and press on toward what is ahead, toward the high calling of God. So then, our testimony is not so much about the past that God pulled us from, but rather more about how we are pressing into His calling on our life NOW. Rather than saying "I dealt with this for such and such years and was so depressed I wanted to die" and drawing people's attention to our suffering, we should be turning people's heads toward the hope and faithfulness of God's promises.

This doesn't mean to discount our sufferings or make ourselves unrelatable to those who need to hear of Christ's redeeming power in our lives. Paul also said we should glory in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces character and hope. But immediately before that, Paul tells us to rejoice (boast) in the glory of GOD and the grace that provides us with faith and a relationship with Him. In our sharing of what Christ has done in our lives, the ultimate redeeming story is the part where we show others how His grace can set THEM free.

My challenge to you is to leave the past in the past. Yes, it is always good to learn from our mistakes and see the ways that God has changed our lives. But it is more damaging to us and others when we bring up all the stuff we've been through merely for the competition factor of who's dirty past is the worst. When we do that, we are bringing glory to the suffering and building our pride rather than turning heads to the One who has taken our suffering and turned it into joy!

An oldie, but oh so good!!

Lesson 5: God has a purpose for what you're going through

It's easy to feel like God is causing you to suffer through something that appears to be ruining your life. I used to feel this way about depression because I didn't fully understand what was happening to me. It took me about a year of studying to figure out what exactly it means for God to use our suffering for His glory.

God doesn't give us pain or suffering. That all comes from the enemy of our souls, the one trying to yank us out of God's hands, out of His almighty plan. What God does is takes everything we experience, good and bad, and works it into a plan we can't imagine or understand to ultimately bring Him glory. In the process, we get to discover what it feels like to be used by God and live in His freedom. The purpose of any one of us being on this earth is to live life as an example of God's grace to bring more people into His Kingdom.

I've finally started to see how God intends to use my suffering for His purpose. After sharing my testimony both on my blog and at the InterVarsity Large Group meeting, I faced both a lot of opposition from the enemy and a lot of encouragement by the responses from other people. Some people gave me encouragement to keep pressing on in my own journey, but others took the time to share their stories with me and I've been able to encourage them and help them find the resources they need. This has been so fulfilling and confirms even more to me that what I plan to do for a career is exactly what God intends.

To those of you experiencing suffering, I would encourage you to focus not on the suffering, but on the good things that can come of it. Remember what Romans 5:3-4 says: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

I'm Back - Please Read to the End

I had a reader ask me yesterday in a fairly intense conversation why I quit blogging. She told me she missed reading my uplifting and inspiring posts and seeing the love of God shining through the text of my page. I had to take a step back and really think about that. I see the views-counter all the time of how many people have been on my page, but the lack of comments and not knowing if people were even actually reading what I was saying made it hard for me to continue. What if I was spending all this time on these posts and no one even cared about what I was writing?

I'd have to say I fell into a rut, in more ways than one: dealing with some personal stuff, handling the stress of college life, and actually losing a good amount of inspiration to even continue writing. Even the pressures of performance, something I've struggled with since I was very young, trying to live up to what I perceive others expect from me and thinking that if I don't get a tangible response I'm not performing well. But I realized today how much I miss my writing, how calming, almost therapeutic, it is for me, and that I'm actually pretty good at it whether people compliment me on it or not. I realized that I can write just for ME and not make it about what other people want to hear. There are things God wants to show me through my time in His Word and journaling and writing with and to Him that are important for ME to have, not just to share with all of you.

So to sum all this up, basically, I'm back. And it may not be as regular as before, but I can promise it will not be months in between each of my posts. And things may get a bit more personal, and I hope that you all are ok with that because it is what matters to me. Being a human means that we experience pain, weakness, joys, successes, and so many other things. I am just as human as all of you and I have prepared myself to become more vulnerable with the people who can experience God through my experiences.

I pray you all experience Him today in a tangible and meaninful way that is unforgettable to you. I'd love to hear about it! Leave comments below with prayer requests or what has been going on in your day so we can all share in each other's joys and sorrows, rejoicing with God when He rejoices, and thanking Him when He gives us moments of teaching and correciton.

Thankful for Suffering

Over time I am becoming more and more thankful for the suffering God has allowed me to endure because anytime I am suffering I have learned to stay strong in my faith in God. All the trials I have experienced have led me to a stronger faith in God and a closer relationship with Him. If I had not experienced the things I did, I would not have had the kind of faith in God that I do and I may not even be able to be used by Him for his glory in the way He so desires. My passion and longing and love for my Heavenly Father would maybe not be nearly as strong had I not experienced the need of it to sustain my own life.
Christ's body is my bread of life and His blood is what brings life to my spirit. I live by the nourishment that He alone can bring. Because I have experienced the fulfillment of what His nourishment can do in my body and spirit and soul, I long for Him and nothing else. My desires are slowly becoming what He desires for me; I am being transformed by the renewal of my mind and my desire for the things of the spirit. I am seeing a change in me and consequently in my life because God has been allowed to work on the parts of my life that require His careful hand.