Why Singleness is Actually Amazing

I've always been single. Never dated. Never even had a guy show interest (that I know of - I mean, I'm pretty inept at being able to tell...). In high school it didn't matter because hardly anyone actually dated (we were all a little too busy with those crazy AP classes and all things Christian school to date). In college, it still didn't really matter because most of my friends were single, too. It didn't really start to bother me until I became one of the only people left in my friend-group to be single. Now, I am one of two people in my friend-group who is not engaged, married, and/or having kids. At first this was extremely isolating. It's hard watching your friends fall in love, be surrounded by family, and know that when you go home the only one to greet you is your stuffed animal.

When this topic comes up with adults a bit more seasoned in life than me (i.e. old enough to be my parents), I get a lot of mixed comments. Some of them are gung-ho on finding me a man - like literally start to point them out and say, "What about that one?" Others of them say things like, "This is such a great chance for you to be independent and learn about yourself." or "Think about how much you couldn't do if you were tied down to a husband and family right now." And then the ones at church are often the ones to say "God is bringing you the man of your dreams; just be patient." If you've been single for your whole life, you know how annoying all of these responses are. For me, this was pushing me toward isolation, loneliness, and self-doubt. One night I looked God right in the face (ok, not quite literally) and told Him how frustrated I was with being so alone here, how being this far from my family and closest friends feels so wrong, and that I hated having to be patient even longer.

The response I got from Him opened my heart and mind to a new idea that a lot of singles don't discover. God showed me that if I were at home, I would still be relying on my mom and dad for emotional support, wanting them to commiserate with me over the hard days, and staying stagnant in my young adulthood. If I were at home, I would be attending a church where my past haunts me and my relationships have faltered. If I was dating, I would be seeking attention from a man who would likely take advantage of my history of codependency. But because I'm here, living alone, and feeling isolated, the only One I have left to run to is God. I have to rely on Him for emotional support, bring my hard days to Him, share my hurts and joys with Him, and live beyond my past. Here, I attend a church full of love where my past doesn't define me and I am challenged to live more like Jesus every day. Here, I have found friendships with people who love me too much to let me continue living life the way I always have. Here, I am growing, and not becoming independent,  but learning how to properly depend on God as my everything.

A lot of people say that being single is the greatest time in your life because you learn to do everything for yourself. I beg to differ. Being single is an amazing season of life, but it is because that is the prime time for learning how to trust God with your whole life and let Him help you through all the ups and downs. If you're not whole in Christ as a single, your brokenness is going to be permanently attached to someone else's brokenness, and you'll need a lot more healing to be whole as a couple.

Lesson 10: Treatment is something you have to do for yourself

Just like having faith in God is a personal issue, treatment is another one of those things that while you get support from those around you, it is ultimately up to you. I've been relearning this concept over and over again, and especially lately.

When I've been finding myself in low days or ruts, the defining moment of my day isn't the feelings I have throughout, but what I DO with those thoughts, feelings, and resulting actions. For example, I have the option of taking my thoughts captive, dwelling on my thoughts until they consume me, bringing God into the situation to ask for help, or finding as many friends to text as I can.

As much as I love my friends and all they do to support me, the responses I know will get me the best results are the ones where my focus is returned to God no matter what. This is really a struggle for me sometimes - I like to have attention on my problems because it gives me the sense that people care, so when I take it just to God and have no one to commiserate with, it is hard for me to really work things out. Part of that comes from the last lesson of pushing God away. It's a daily choice whether we will pick up our cross and follow Him, but that choice can change the entire course of our day.

And this brings me back to treatment (and faith) being our own personal issue. Here's the deal: yes, we are created to be relational and to share in one another's burdens. BUT that does NOT mean that we simply unload everything onto someone else and do nothing ourselves. It is good to have people that will pray for you and hold you accountable (even counselors do this), but when they replace God and your own efforts in your life, things start to spiral down very quickly until those relationships crash and burn.

If you have a support system like mine, you probably hear quite often that you need to take things to God, find time to be in the Word, pray, and ask for His help in choosing Him every day. And if you're like me, sometimes you cringe at those responses because you wanted someone to have a pity party with you. BUT in the end, those responses are exactly what you need to get yourself back in gear and get your focus back on God. Between you and Him, there is nothing (even treatment and recovery) that is impossible!!