Lesson 11: Practical ways to get out of a rut

Whether you experience depression or not, we all have days that make us feel as though we're "in a rut" or just feeling down. The worst part of feeling that way is when you feel like you can't get out of it. With depression, this kind of feeling can be the only way of life that someone knows. For the longest time, being in a rut was something I considered safe because I had never really known anything different. In reality, the rut isn't a safe place at all because once you're stuck there, your thoughts and feelings just take off with you and it can be really scary to see where you end up.

Over the last year I've learned a few ways to help work my way out of a rut - it's not instantaneous by any means. It takes patience and perseverence you get yourself up and out of those thoughts and feelings. It doesn't just happen because you've tried one thing or another. I've put together a list of some of the things I've found to help me and what I've heard from other people help them:

• Journaling - even if you're not usually one to keep a journal, having something where you can just write down phrases that come to mind or feelings you have throughout your day can help you process what all is going on. If you are an avid journaler, go at it! I sometimes have a contest against myself to see how many pages I can write that are positive versus those that are negative.
• Reading - if you're a student, this one may sound daunting, but try reading something you enjoy. Even if you don't like reading, if you find the right book, blog, etc. you may just find a new favorite pastime.
• Logic problems - no joke - those obnoxious things Mr. I. used to make us do in math actually serve a purpose!! When you have to focus so much thought toward something so complicated, it is really challenging to keep your focus on your problems. You'll also have great satisfaction from figuring it out!
• Exercise - now, don't go over the top with this one, but taking half an hour every other day to do something active like zumba, yoga, pilates, weight lifting, running, wall climbing, ice skating, swimming, dancing, or whatever you like to do will release endorphins (good feeling hormones) and keep you in shape. Plus, a physical challenge distracts you from your mental challenges as well.
• Crafting - not to sound too girly, but sitting down and creating something with your hands can be really relaxing. Knitting, crocheting, paper crafting, writing letters, etc. are great ways to keep your hands and mind busy. I like to pop in my favorite movies to play in the background while I'm working because then my thoughts really have to work to keep up.
• Spend time alone with God - this is the most important one of them all. No doubt it is not usually the first thing any of us want to do when we're feeling low, but it is the only thing that will truly get us up out of our rut. I've noticed that when I force myself to read the Bible, pray, or have time in worship, my attitude toward what it can do for me slowly changes. Like anything else, it's not instantaneous, but with patience and God's help, it works.

Lastly, I've found that if you have one or two friends that you can call on for support, it helps a lot with processing the thoughts and feelings that are going through us. Keep in mind, though, my post about healthy boundaries.

Your friends are the second place you go after you've already taken it to God.

Lesson 10: Treatment is something you have to do for yourself

Just like having faith in God is a personal issue, treatment is another one of those things that while you get support from those around you, it is ultimately up to you. I've been relearning this concept over and over again, and especially lately.

When I've been finding myself in low days or ruts, the defining moment of my day isn't the feelings I have throughout, but what I DO with those thoughts, feelings, and resulting actions. For example, I have the option of taking my thoughts captive, dwelling on my thoughts until they consume me, bringing God into the situation to ask for help, or finding as many friends to text as I can.

As much as I love my friends and all they do to support me, the responses I know will get me the best results are the ones where my focus is returned to God no matter what. This is really a struggle for me sometimes - I like to have attention on my problems because it gives me the sense that people care, so when I take it just to God and have no one to commiserate with, it is hard for me to really work things out. Part of that comes from the last lesson of pushing God away. It's a daily choice whether we will pick up our cross and follow Him, but that choice can change the entire course of our day.

And this brings me back to treatment (and faith) being our own personal issue. Here's the deal: yes, we are created to be relational and to share in one another's burdens. BUT that does NOT mean that we simply unload everything onto someone else and do nothing ourselves. It is good to have people that will pray for you and hold you accountable (even counselors do this), but when they replace God and your own efforts in your life, things start to spiral down very quickly until those relationships crash and burn.

If you have a support system like mine, you probably hear quite often that you need to take things to God, find time to be in the Word, pray, and ask for His help in choosing Him every day. And if you're like me, sometimes you cringe at those responses because you wanted someone to have a pity party with you. BUT in the end, those responses are exactly what you need to get yourself back in gear and get your focus back on God. Between you and Him, there is nothing (even treatment and recovery) that is impossible!!

Lesson 8: Healthy Boundaries

Something that anyone should learn early on in life is how to have relationships with healthy boundaries - whether it is with friends, teachers, coworkers, a boss, parents, or romantically. As soon as boundaries are crossed it is very hard to go back to the way things were. This goes for boundaries of trust, love, intimacy, anything. Over the past year I have definitely learned in many ways what this looks like.

Friends: I used to be someone very slow to trust, and I tend to still be that way; but when I meet someone who I just "click" with, it is easy for me to abandon all sense of caution and share deep parts of my heart with them. Sometimes that works out just fine, and other times it ends in utter chaos. One thing that I would say I've started "requiring" in my friends before I willingly share things with them is that we are on the same page spiritually. If we are both living our lives with God as center and defined by grace, I find it is much easier for both of us to keep the relationship on a healthy level. This also goes for the receiving end. If you have a friend that tends to share every aspect of their life with you and it is too much for you to take on or you feel as though you are carrying too much of their burden, you need to tell them! Take the time to sort through the boundaries in your friendship and make sure they are healthy and workable for both of you. If you tend to be that clingy or over-sharing person, ask you friend to tell you if it gets to be too much or if they need a break. Communication is vital. This should also be the starting point for any romantic relationship, except that physical boundaries should also be discussed right away.

Family: It can be hard to establish boundaries with family because they tend to know your best and worst, and often are the cause for both. If you are an adult, though, it is time to make sure the boundaries set between you and your parents are good for both sides - the parents are always going to love and care about you and it will be hard for them to "let go" as you get older and stop telling them so much about your life. Give them some grace. Do your best not to lose it on them if they ask where you've been - instead tell them nicely but ask them in the most loving way possible if you can have a little space within reason. Don't just strip them of everything they've ever known all at once. If you have siblings, you will most likely start seeing your relationships with them become more like friendships, especially if you aren't living at home anymore, but they will always be your siblings, so don't expect the rivalry to go away completely :)

Others: In more formal relationships or with those people you don't grow as close to, remember to keep them on a level of acquaintance. If you tend to wear your feelings on your sleeve or share your problems with anyone who will listen, you will need to work at keeping those boundaries up. That's what your close friends are for. Ease into those relationships and maybe they'll lead to friendships; but jump in head first and you may just find yourself gasping for air and wondering how you can end that particular relationship.

Don't forget: ³³ Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

I found this out the hard way with several friendships I had during my first couple years of college. Unfortunately I shared too much with a couple of these friends and it was too late by then. Thankfully, I was able to find a way to break off these unhealthy relationships and rebuild the others with healthy boundaries. I wish, though, that I had been more sensible in the beginning with choosing where I set my boundaries with those individuals.

Lean On Who?

God has created us to be social creatures, each one of us having different traits, likes, and dislikes that make us unique so that we all have something to contribute to the body of Christ. He has placed us where He has so that we can function by our design - to build relationships with others and with Him to bring glory to His kingdom. I thank God every day for the friends He has allowed me to have during my time on earth, and quite honestly, I don't know what I would do without them. But I have also come to a realization that I think God has tried to show me more than once before. I realized I've started relying more on the companionship of my friends than on my relationship with God.

Yep, there ya go. Plain and simple, right? You would think that would be something that is pretty obvious when it's happening. But in reality, you get into the flow of your every day schedule with the set times that you're doing your set activities; and in my world, a lot of my set activities have to do with time spent with friends. In looking at my schedule during any given week, I probably spend on average 10 hours a day with my friends. 10 hours! That's over half my day, not including the time I'm sleeping, in class, or at work. When this finally hit me, I realized there was a big part of my life (at least about 10 hours a day) that was devoid of time spent with God. I began to see all the areas where I was counting on my friends to eat lunch with me, walk to class with me, text me all day long, do homework together, and spend our free time together. While it's good that we can have friends to have fun with, confide in, and find joy in relationships with, God did not intend for that to be all there is.

God's intention for friendships was to be a human extension of our relationship with Him, not a replacement for time spent with Him with the excuse that if they're Christian friends it's almost like spending time with God while we're with them. No. That's not how it works. Sorry if that bursts your bubble. God is so jealous of our hearts that it tears Him apart when He sees us counting on our friends more than we look to Him. It's such an easy thing to do because our friends are right here standing next to us, watching the things happen in our lives in such a tangible way. What we often forget is that God, too, is standing right next to us already knowing what's going to happen and what needs to be done to take care of it.

Friends are going to come and go. They're going to be on your side one day, and against you the next. They may answer your text messages for awhile, but there will come a time when they are going to get caught up in the craziness of their own lives that they won't be as available to you. God never leaves, He's walking with us always. He is always on our side and is fighting constantly for our lives. Every little prayer we send His way gets a reply, no matter what time of day it is or how many He's receiving at once.

I'm not saying we shouldn't have friends. Rather, we should have a relationship with God so strong that our friends are just an added bonus.