A lot of people facing depression feel like God has abandoned them, that He's the whole reason they're in this mess and there's no way He's still around to see them through. Here's the thing, Deuteronomy 31:8 says "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” That's a promise! Something I have had to discover this year is that when I feel distant from God, it's not that He isn't there - it's that I have pushed Him to a distance. If you really think about it, when you are far from God, you usually first realize it because something (God Himself) is trying to pull you back to Him. A god who wants to be distant from you wouldn't be trying to bring you back to his side, but our God is always drawing us closer and closer to Him.
Something I've noticed in my own life is that I fall into the habit of relying on myself rather than putting my trust and faith in God - it's not that I don't trust or believe He can care for me, just that I can do it fine by myself. After awhile, the focus shifts away from Him and onto ourselves which leads us right down the path of focusing on our problems, our past, our pain, and none of the things God has blessed us with. It is so easy to go about our day without even acknowledging God's presence in it, but the reality is that He is in every single little part of it whether we recognize it or not.
How much better would every day be if we took the time to notice all the ways God is blessing us throughout our day and make a point of thanking Him for every single one? I know I have a hard time doing this, especially on my low days, but when I force myself to do it, I find that I just can't stop. It's true what people say - when you are focused on God and His blessings, it is impossible to be focused on yourself and your problems!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Lesson 8: Healthy Boundaries
Something that anyone should learn early on in life is how to have relationships with healthy boundaries - whether it is with friends, teachers, coworkers, a boss, parents, or romantically. As soon as boundaries are crossed it is very hard to go back to the way things were. This goes for boundaries of trust, love, intimacy, anything. Over the past year I have definitely learned in many ways what this looks like.
Friends: I used to be someone very slow to trust, and I tend to still be that way; but when I meet someone who I just "click" with, it is easy for me to abandon all sense of caution and share deep parts of my heart with them. Sometimes that works out just fine, and other times it ends in utter chaos. One thing that I would say I've started "requiring" in my friends before I willingly share things with them is that we are on the same page spiritually. If we are both living our lives with God as center and defined by grace, I find it is much easier for both of us to keep the relationship on a healthy level. This also goes for the receiving end. If you have a friend that tends to share every aspect of their life with you and it is too much for you to take on or you feel as though you are carrying too much of their burden, you need to tell them! Take the time to sort through the boundaries in your friendship and make sure they are healthy and workable for both of you. If you tend to be that clingy or over-sharing person, ask you friend to tell you if it gets to be too much or if they need a break. Communication is vital. This should also be the starting point for any romantic relationship, except that physical boundaries should also be discussed right away.
Family: It can be hard to establish boundaries with family because they tend to know your best and worst, and often are the cause for both. If you are an adult, though, it is time to make sure the boundaries set between you and your parents are good for both sides - the parents are always going to love and care about you and it will be hard for them to "let go" as you get older and stop telling them so much about your life. Give them some grace. Do your best not to lose it on them if they ask where you've been - instead tell them nicely but ask them in the most loving way possible if you can have a little space within reason. Don't just strip them of everything they've ever known all at once. If you have siblings, you will most likely start seeing your relationships with them become more like friendships, especially if you aren't living at home anymore, but they will always be your siblings, so don't expect the rivalry to go away completely :)
Others: In more formal relationships or with those people you don't grow as close to, remember to keep them on a level of acquaintance. If you tend to wear your feelings on your sleeve or share your problems with anyone who will listen, you will need to work at keeping those boundaries up. That's what your close friends are for. Ease into those relationships and maybe they'll lead to friendships; but jump in head first and you may just find yourself gasping for air and wondering how you can end that particular relationship.
Don't forget: 33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)
I found this out the hard way with several friendships I had during my first couple years of college. Unfortunately I shared too much with a couple of these friends and it was too late by then. Thankfully, I was able to find a way to break off these unhealthy relationships and rebuild the others with healthy boundaries. I wish, though, that I had been more sensible in the beginning with choosing where I set my boundaries with those individuals.
Friends: I used to be someone very slow to trust, and I tend to still be that way; but when I meet someone who I just "click" with, it is easy for me to abandon all sense of caution and share deep parts of my heart with them. Sometimes that works out just fine, and other times it ends in utter chaos. One thing that I would say I've started "requiring" in my friends before I willingly share things with them is that we are on the same page spiritually. If we are both living our lives with God as center and defined by grace, I find it is much easier for both of us to keep the relationship on a healthy level. This also goes for the receiving end. If you have a friend that tends to share every aspect of their life with you and it is too much for you to take on or you feel as though you are carrying too much of their burden, you need to tell them! Take the time to sort through the boundaries in your friendship and make sure they are healthy and workable for both of you. If you tend to be that clingy or over-sharing person, ask you friend to tell you if it gets to be too much or if they need a break. Communication is vital. This should also be the starting point for any romantic relationship, except that physical boundaries should also be discussed right away.
Family: It can be hard to establish boundaries with family because they tend to know your best and worst, and often are the cause for both. If you are an adult, though, it is time to make sure the boundaries set between you and your parents are good for both sides - the parents are always going to love and care about you and it will be hard for them to "let go" as you get older and stop telling them so much about your life. Give them some grace. Do your best not to lose it on them if they ask where you've been - instead tell them nicely but ask them in the most loving way possible if you can have a little space within reason. Don't just strip them of everything they've ever known all at once. If you have siblings, you will most likely start seeing your relationships with them become more like friendships, especially if you aren't living at home anymore, but they will always be your siblings, so don't expect the rivalry to go away completely :)
Others: In more formal relationships or with those people you don't grow as close to, remember to keep them on a level of acquaintance. If you tend to wear your feelings on your sleeve or share your problems with anyone who will listen, you will need to work at keeping those boundaries up. That's what your close friends are for. Ease into those relationships and maybe they'll lead to friendships; but jump in head first and you may just find yourself gasping for air and wondering how you can end that particular relationship.
Don't forget: 33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)
I found this out the hard way with several friendships I had during my first couple years of college. Unfortunately I shared too much with a couple of these friends and it was too late by then. Thankfully, I was able to find a way to break off these unhealthy relationships and rebuild the others with healthy boundaries. I wish, though, that I had been more sensible in the beginning with choosing where I set my boundaries with those individuals.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Lesson 7: You only get out of treatment what you put into it
When I first started treatment, it was almost out of desperation - I needed help and would take it from almost anywhere that could guarantee me I would be feeling better soon. I find this is the case with a lot of people I have talked to about their experiences with treatment. What a lot of people don't realize going into it is how hard treatment is going to be. It's not laying on a couch and just saying whatever comes to mind like we so often see portrayed in movies. In reality, you are asked to really think critically about situations you find yourself in, analyze your thoughts and feelings and where they come from, and often even get 'homework' of sorts that needs to be completed by the next session.
Now, all of this is also dictated by you. Yes, the therapist is going to give you things they want you to do, and they're going to ask questions and such; but ultimately, what you give them to work with determines how much help you can recieve from them. If you never want to say anything in your sessions, that's fine. It can take time to get to a place where you trust your therapist enough to talk openly with them. Just know that if you don't say anything, they don't know anything about your situation and can't help you as easily as they otherwise could. They also aren't going to force anything out of you - they make ask a lot of questions, but no one can get more information from you than you are willing to give. With this in mind, take the chance to test the waters a little bit - see how much you are able to handle sharing - instead of diving in all at once.
Ok, with the 'homework' mentioned before - don't get discouraged. It's not overwhelming and it's not even really an assignment. Think of it more as a part of your every day routine that is going to get you living healthy. Whether your therapist asks you to keep track of your mood at various times throughout the day, schedule yourself for a massage, journal, work out, or look into using a new medication, if you look at these things as ways to improve your overall health and well-being, they won't be a burden. Over time you'll start to see how all of these things not only become routine, but actually help you to process things better and get a better idea of how you live your life (and things that need to change).
Even if treatment so far has seemed hopeless or you don't see yourself making progress, you are! It takes practice and time to understand how all of this works, and after living with something like depression, a healthy lifestyle is very hard to attain. Have patience, do your best, but remember, you're not getting anything out of something that you never put anything into.
Now, all of this is also dictated by you. Yes, the therapist is going to give you things they want you to do, and they're going to ask questions and such; but ultimately, what you give them to work with determines how much help you can recieve from them. If you never want to say anything in your sessions, that's fine. It can take time to get to a place where you trust your therapist enough to talk openly with them. Just know that if you don't say anything, they don't know anything about your situation and can't help you as easily as they otherwise could. They also aren't going to force anything out of you - they make ask a lot of questions, but no one can get more information from you than you are willing to give. With this in mind, take the chance to test the waters a little bit - see how much you are able to handle sharing - instead of diving in all at once.
Ok, with the 'homework' mentioned before - don't get discouraged. It's not overwhelming and it's not even really an assignment. Think of it more as a part of your every day routine that is going to get you living healthy. Whether your therapist asks you to keep track of your mood at various times throughout the day, schedule yourself for a massage, journal, work out, or look into using a new medication, if you look at these things as ways to improve your overall health and well-being, they won't be a burden. Over time you'll start to see how all of these things not only become routine, but actually help you to process things better and get a better idea of how you live your life (and things that need to change).
Even if treatment so far has seemed hopeless or you don't see yourself making progress, you are! It takes practice and time to understand how all of this works, and after living with something like depression, a healthy lifestyle is very hard to attain. Have patience, do your best, but remember, you're not getting anything out of something that you never put anything into.
6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 2 Corinthians 9:6
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Lesson 6: Recovery is a process, it's not instantaneous
I've talked to a couple people who start treatment for depression and have expectations of feeling better after the first day. Whether you choose medication or psychotherapy, treatment is a process. Anti-depressant medications don't work overnight - they have to build up in your system and your body has to readjust before things start to take effect. And with psychotherapy, there are a lot of things to work through before you can really learn to fight depression. It has taken this entire year since I started treatment for me to learn what it looks like to take a thought or feeling, identify what triggered it, and find a feasible way to handle it whether it's a good thought or feeling or a bad one.
Even now that I am starting to understand depression and what feelings are normal and which I need to be concerned about, I need reminders sometimes, too, that it's ok to not have it all figured out yet. I also find myself reminding others of the same thing, especially if they have just started treatment or they compare their treatment with my own. We're all different and move at our own pace through our own journeys. Eventually we will all come to a healthy place where God can use our lives to His full intentions if we continue to put effort into our treatment and let God lead. More on this later, but for now, remember, take things one step at a time, one day at a time; and one step backwards never means you've failed if you've already taken ten steps forward!!!
Even now that I am starting to understand depression and what feelings are normal and which I need to be concerned about, I need reminders sometimes, too, that it's ok to not have it all figured out yet. I also find myself reminding others of the same thing, especially if they have just started treatment or they compare their treatment with my own. We're all different and move at our own pace through our own journeys. Eventually we will all come to a healthy place where God can use our lives to His full intentions if we continue to put effort into our treatment and let God lead. More on this later, but for now, remember, take things one step at a time, one day at a time; and one step backwards never means you've failed if you've already taken ten steps forward!!!
Friday, November 23, 2012
Lesson 5: God has a purpose for what you're going through
It's easy to feel like God is causing you to suffer through something that appears to be ruining your life. I used to feel this way about depression because I didn't fully understand what was happening to me. It took me about a year of studying to figure out what exactly it means for God to use our suffering for His glory.
God doesn't give us pain or suffering. That all comes from the enemy of our souls, the one trying to yank us out of God's hands, out of His almighty plan. What God does is takes everything we experience, good and bad, and works it into a plan we can't imagine or understand to ultimately bring Him glory. In the process, we get to discover what it feels like to be used by God and live in His freedom. The purpose of any one of us being on this earth is to live life as an example of God's grace to bring more people into His Kingdom.
I've finally started to see how God intends to use my suffering for His purpose. After sharing my testimony both on my blog and at the InterVarsity Large Group meeting, I faced both a lot of opposition from the enemy and a lot of encouragement by the responses from other people. Some people gave me encouragement to keep pressing on in my own journey, but others took the time to share their stories with me and I've been able to encourage them and help them find the resources they need. This has been so fulfilling and confirms even more to me that what I plan to do for a career is exactly what God intends.
To those of you experiencing suffering, I would encourage you to focus not on the suffering, but on the good things that can come of it. Remember what Romans 5:3-4 says: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
God doesn't give us pain or suffering. That all comes from the enemy of our souls, the one trying to yank us out of God's hands, out of His almighty plan. What God does is takes everything we experience, good and bad, and works it into a plan we can't imagine or understand to ultimately bring Him glory. In the process, we get to discover what it feels like to be used by God and live in His freedom. The purpose of any one of us being on this earth is to live life as an example of God's grace to bring more people into His Kingdom.
I've finally started to see how God intends to use my suffering for His purpose. After sharing my testimony both on my blog and at the InterVarsity Large Group meeting, I faced both a lot of opposition from the enemy and a lot of encouragement by the responses from other people. Some people gave me encouragement to keep pressing on in my own journey, but others took the time to share their stories with me and I've been able to encourage them and help them find the resources they need. This has been so fulfilling and confirms even more to me that what I plan to do for a career is exactly what God intends.
To those of you experiencing suffering, I would encourage you to focus not on the suffering, but on the good things that can come of it. Remember what Romans 5:3-4 says: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Lesson 4: Vulnerability is not a weakness
Today's lesson goes well with yesterday's lesson. Many people have made comments to me lately that imply that their view of vulnerability is that it is a form of weakness, that letting someone else get close enough to see who you really are means that you aren't strong enough to do life on your own. Well, good news people! We were never meant to do any of this stuff alone!
God created us to have relationships. Our first and most important relationship should be the one we have with Him. We are designed to need Him and our life fulfills it's biggest purpose when we fully rely on Him. He also designed us to have relationships with the other people He has chosen to place in our lives, whether they are family, friends that may as well be family, a pastor or mentor, or in necessary situations, a professional counselor.
When we choose to share our lives with other people, it not only makes us stronger, but it empowers and encourages others, too. We become stronger when we rely on other people, not weaker, because two are not as easily overcome, and three are not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). If you tend to be one who is wary about trusting someone close to you because of fear of judgment or that they may not feel the same about you after they know your dirt, I would encourage you to take the step of being vulnerabe with them. You don't have to divulge all your life's secrets, but even taking the time to share a simple feeling with someone else can bring the two of you closer and give you something to identify with between the two of you. You'll be amazed at how God can use your friendship to strengthen both of you and also be a light to others around you!
God created us to have relationships. Our first and most important relationship should be the one we have with Him. We are designed to need Him and our life fulfills it's biggest purpose when we fully rely on Him. He also designed us to have relationships with the other people He has chosen to place in our lives, whether they are family, friends that may as well be family, a pastor or mentor, or in necessary situations, a professional counselor.
When we choose to share our lives with other people, it not only makes us stronger, but it empowers and encourages others, too. We become stronger when we rely on other people, not weaker, because two are not as easily overcome, and three are not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). If you tend to be one who is wary about trusting someone close to you because of fear of judgment or that they may not feel the same about you after they know your dirt, I would encourage you to take the step of being vulnerabe with them. You don't have to divulge all your life's secrets, but even taking the time to share a simple feeling with someone else can bring the two of you closer and give you something to identify with between the two of you. You'll be amazed at how God can use your friendship to strengthen both of you and also be a light to others around you!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Lesson 3: There is no shame in asking for help
So much of the stigma around depression or any mental disorder is that it is a weakness, something to be ashamed of and to hide; but there is absolutely nothing shameful in depression. It took me awhile to accept this idea because I had talked myself into believing that it was not ok for me to have depression for so long. When I finally admitted that what I was feeling was not normal and realized that I would never be healthy on my own, I was able to start learning how to let other people help me.
Now I seek help from all over the place. My main source of help, of course, is God, and I am so thankful for all that He has done for me. I also have learned that having a mental health professional who can look at my situation from a healthy state of mind and help me to see things the way they really are rather than how they appear through my depression is an invaluable blessing. My parents and friends, especially a couple close ones that I talk to daily, have also been a huge part of my recovery without them really even knowing it.
As someone who has benefitted from taking the step of faith to ask for help, I have a word of encouragement for anyone reading this:
First, those of you who have not experienced something like depression or another mental disorder, I would encourage you to educate yourself on the reality of the situation for a person who is living with this in their life. It is not something to be joked about or made to seem like a weakness or failure on their part - it is a very real, very debilitating part of life that needs to be treated seriously but without making it shameful.
Second, if you are someone who is living with depression or a mental disorder, take advantage of the resources that are out there! Take a step of faith to admit you need help and don't be ashamed of what you're experiencing! Keep God in the forefront of your mind, and don't let others opinions of you rule your life. Reach out to people you can trust and that love you, and ignore those who try to tear you down.
Now I seek help from all over the place. My main source of help, of course, is God, and I am so thankful for all that He has done for me. I also have learned that having a mental health professional who can look at my situation from a healthy state of mind and help me to see things the way they really are rather than how they appear through my depression is an invaluable blessing. My parents and friends, especially a couple close ones that I talk to daily, have also been a huge part of my recovery without them really even knowing it.
As someone who has benefitted from taking the step of faith to ask for help, I have a word of encouragement for anyone reading this:
First, those of you who have not experienced something like depression or another mental disorder, I would encourage you to educate yourself on the reality of the situation for a person who is living with this in their life. It is not something to be joked about or made to seem like a weakness or failure on their part - it is a very real, very debilitating part of life that needs to be treated seriously but without making it shameful.
Second, if you are someone who is living with depression or a mental disorder, take advantage of the resources that are out there! Take a step of faith to admit you need help and don't be ashamed of what you're experiencing! Keep God in the forefront of your mind, and don't let others opinions of you rule your life. Reach out to people you can trust and that love you, and ignore those who try to tear you down.
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