Lesson 12: God is the only place we find true freedom

For most of my life I've known the importance of having God involved in my everyday existence. It's not been until recently that I've started to take note of the difference between the days that I invite Him to be a part of my day and the days that I ignore or refuse His presence in my day. Someone asked me this past week why I would refuse to let Him in my day if those days result in so much joy and peace. When she put it that way, it made me think a little harder about why I don't always let Him in. Do I enjoy being miserable? That seems a little odd...

Part of recovering from depression is relearning what a normal day is supposed to look and feel like - it's strange to someone like me to have all joy and roses everyday! But that doesn't mean it's wrong to have all good days!! That's just one more part of God's blessing of abundant life on His people! On the days where I ask God to join me, be my strength and my stronghold through whatever the day brings, and use me in whatever ways He desires, those days are the ones that stick out in my memory as being the most meaningful and profitable. The ones where I focus on myself and my pain, or look only to my own strength are the ones that hold their place in my bad memories, the times that are dragged up and thrown in my face when the Devil is trying to get me down.

This concept goes for anyone - not just those who are dealing with depression or other attacks - literally for everyday living. I am making it my goal to be able to say that I can recognize where God has been involved in every part of my day and consciously invite Him to walk through it with me, whatever it may have in store. My first thought when I get out of bed should be thanking God that I am able to do so, and my last one before going to sleep should be thanking Him for the ways He used my life that day, and all of them in between should be asking for His help and thanking Him for His strength at all times. He does say to "pray continually" and that's exactly what we should be doing!

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances.

Lesson 11: Practical ways to get out of a rut

Whether you experience depression or not, we all have days that make us feel as though we're "in a rut" or just feeling down. The worst part of feeling that way is when you feel like you can't get out of it. With depression, this kind of feeling can be the only way of life that someone knows. For the longest time, being in a rut was something I considered safe because I had never really known anything different. In reality, the rut isn't a safe place at all because once you're stuck there, your thoughts and feelings just take off with you and it can be really scary to see where you end up.

Over the last year I've learned a few ways to help work my way out of a rut - it's not instantaneous by any means. It takes patience and perseverence you get yourself up and out of those thoughts and feelings. It doesn't just happen because you've tried one thing or another. I've put together a list of some of the things I've found to help me and what I've heard from other people help them:

• Journaling - even if you're not usually one to keep a journal, having something where you can just write down phrases that come to mind or feelings you have throughout your day can help you process what all is going on. If you are an avid journaler, go at it! I sometimes have a contest against myself to see how many pages I can write that are positive versus those that are negative.
• Reading - if you're a student, this one may sound daunting, but try reading something you enjoy. Even if you don't like reading, if you find the right book, blog, etc. you may just find a new favorite pastime.
• Logic problems - no joke - those obnoxious things Mr. I. used to make us do in math actually serve a purpose!! When you have to focus so much thought toward something so complicated, it is really challenging to keep your focus on your problems. You'll also have great satisfaction from figuring it out!
• Exercise - now, don't go over the top with this one, but taking half an hour every other day to do something active like zumba, yoga, pilates, weight lifting, running, wall climbing, ice skating, swimming, dancing, or whatever you like to do will release endorphins (good feeling hormones) and keep you in shape. Plus, a physical challenge distracts you from your mental challenges as well.
• Crafting - not to sound too girly, but sitting down and creating something with your hands can be really relaxing. Knitting, crocheting, paper crafting, writing letters, etc. are great ways to keep your hands and mind busy. I like to pop in my favorite movies to play in the background while I'm working because then my thoughts really have to work to keep up.
• Spend time alone with God - this is the most important one of them all. No doubt it is not usually the first thing any of us want to do when we're feeling low, but it is the only thing that will truly get us up out of our rut. I've noticed that when I force myself to read the Bible, pray, or have time in worship, my attitude toward what it can do for me slowly changes. Like anything else, it's not instantaneous, but with patience and God's help, it works.

Lastly, I've found that if you have one or two friends that you can call on for support, it helps a lot with processing the thoughts and feelings that are going through us. Keep in mind, though, my post about healthy boundaries.

Your friends are the second place you go after you've already taken it to God.

Lesson 10: Treatment is something you have to do for yourself

Just like having faith in God is a personal issue, treatment is another one of those things that while you get support from those around you, it is ultimately up to you. I've been relearning this concept over and over again, and especially lately.

When I've been finding myself in low days or ruts, the defining moment of my day isn't the feelings I have throughout, but what I DO with those thoughts, feelings, and resulting actions. For example, I have the option of taking my thoughts captive, dwelling on my thoughts until they consume me, bringing God into the situation to ask for help, or finding as many friends to text as I can.

As much as I love my friends and all they do to support me, the responses I know will get me the best results are the ones where my focus is returned to God no matter what. This is really a struggle for me sometimes - I like to have attention on my problems because it gives me the sense that people care, so when I take it just to God and have no one to commiserate with, it is hard for me to really work things out. Part of that comes from the last lesson of pushing God away. It's a daily choice whether we will pick up our cross and follow Him, but that choice can change the entire course of our day.

And this brings me back to treatment (and faith) being our own personal issue. Here's the deal: yes, we are created to be relational and to share in one another's burdens. BUT that does NOT mean that we simply unload everything onto someone else and do nothing ourselves. It is good to have people that will pray for you and hold you accountable (even counselors do this), but when they replace God and your own efforts in your life, things start to spiral down very quickly until those relationships crash and burn.

If you have a support system like mine, you probably hear quite often that you need to take things to God, find time to be in the Word, pray, and ask for His help in choosing Him every day. And if you're like me, sometimes you cringe at those responses because you wanted someone to have a pity party with you. BUT in the end, those responses are exactly what you need to get yourself back in gear and get your focus back on God. Between you and Him, there is nothing (even treatment and recovery) that is impossible!!

Lesson 9: God doesn't walk away - you do

A lot of people facing depression feel like God has abandoned them, that He's the whole reason they're in this mess and there's no way He's still around to see them through. Here's the thing, Deuteronomy 31:8 says "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” That's a promise! Something I have had to discover this year is that when I feel distant from God, it's not that He isn't there - it's that I have pushed Him to a distance. If you really think about it, when you are far from God, you usually first realize it because something (God Himself) is trying to pull you back to Him. A god who wants to be distant from you wouldn't be trying to bring you back to his side, but our God is always drawing us closer and closer to Him.

Something I've noticed in my own life is that I fall into the habit of relying on myself rather than putting my trust and faith in God - it's not that I don't trust or believe He can care for me, just that I can do it fine by myself. After awhile, the focus shifts away from Him and onto ourselves which leads us right down the path of focusing on our problems, our past, our pain, and none of the things God has blessed us with. It is so easy to go about our day without even acknowledging God's presence in it, but the reality is that He is in every single little part of it whether we recognize it or not.

How much better would every day be if we took the time to notice all the ways God is blessing us throughout our day and make a point of thanking Him for every single one? I know I have a hard time doing this, especially on my low days, but when I force myself to do it, I find that I just can't stop. It's true what people say - when you are focused on God and His blessings, it is impossible to be focused on yourself and your problems!

Lesson 8: Healthy Boundaries

Something that anyone should learn early on in life is how to have relationships with healthy boundaries - whether it is with friends, teachers, coworkers, a boss, parents, or romantically. As soon as boundaries are crossed it is very hard to go back to the way things were. This goes for boundaries of trust, love, intimacy, anything. Over the past year I have definitely learned in many ways what this looks like.

Friends: I used to be someone very slow to trust, and I tend to still be that way; but when I meet someone who I just "click" with, it is easy for me to abandon all sense of caution and share deep parts of my heart with them. Sometimes that works out just fine, and other times it ends in utter chaos. One thing that I would say I've started "requiring" in my friends before I willingly share things with them is that we are on the same page spiritually. If we are both living our lives with God as center and defined by grace, I find it is much easier for both of us to keep the relationship on a healthy level. This also goes for the receiving end. If you have a friend that tends to share every aspect of their life with you and it is too much for you to take on or you feel as though you are carrying too much of their burden, you need to tell them! Take the time to sort through the boundaries in your friendship and make sure they are healthy and workable for both of you. If you tend to be that clingy or over-sharing person, ask you friend to tell you if it gets to be too much or if they need a break. Communication is vital. This should also be the starting point for any romantic relationship, except that physical boundaries should also be discussed right away.

Family: It can be hard to establish boundaries with family because they tend to know your best and worst, and often are the cause for both. If you are an adult, though, it is time to make sure the boundaries set between you and your parents are good for both sides - the parents are always going to love and care about you and it will be hard for them to "let go" as you get older and stop telling them so much about your life. Give them some grace. Do your best not to lose it on them if they ask where you've been - instead tell them nicely but ask them in the most loving way possible if you can have a little space within reason. Don't just strip them of everything they've ever known all at once. If you have siblings, you will most likely start seeing your relationships with them become more like friendships, especially if you aren't living at home anymore, but they will always be your siblings, so don't expect the rivalry to go away completely :)

Others: In more formal relationships or with those people you don't grow as close to, remember to keep them on a level of acquaintance. If you tend to wear your feelings on your sleeve or share your problems with anyone who will listen, you will need to work at keeping those boundaries up. That's what your close friends are for. Ease into those relationships and maybe they'll lead to friendships; but jump in head first and you may just find yourself gasping for air and wondering how you can end that particular relationship.

Don't forget: ³³ Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

I found this out the hard way with several friendships I had during my first couple years of college. Unfortunately I shared too much with a couple of these friends and it was too late by then. Thankfully, I was able to find a way to break off these unhealthy relationships and rebuild the others with healthy boundaries. I wish, though, that I had been more sensible in the beginning with choosing where I set my boundaries with those individuals.

Lesson 7: You only get out of treatment what you put into it

When I first started treatment, it was almost out of desperation - I needed help and would take it from almost anywhere that could guarantee me I would be feeling better soon. I find this is the case with a lot of people I have talked to about their experiences with treatment. What a lot of people don't realize going into it is how hard treatment is going to be. It's not laying on a couch and just saying whatever comes to mind like we so often see portrayed in movies. In reality, you are asked to really think critically about situations you find yourself in, analyze your thoughts and feelings and where they come from, and often even get 'homework' of sorts that needs to be completed by the next session.

Now, all of this is also dictated by you. Yes, the therapist is going to give you things they want you to do, and they're going to ask questions and such; but ultimately, what you give them to work with determines how much help you can recieve from them. If you never want to say anything in your sessions, that's fine. It can take time to get to a place where you trust your therapist enough to talk openly with them. Just know that if you don't say anything, they don't know anything about your situation and can't help you as easily as they otherwise could. They also aren't going to force anything out of you - they make ask a lot of questions, but no one can get more information from you than you are willing to give. With this in mind, take the chance to test the waters a little bit - see how much you are able to handle sharing - instead of diving in all at once.

Ok, with the 'homework' mentioned before - don't get discouraged. It's not overwhelming and it's not even really an assignment. Think of it more as a part of your every day routine that is going to get you living healthy. Whether your therapist asks you to keep track of your mood at various times throughout the day, schedule yourself for a massage, journal, work out, or look into using a new medication, if you look at these things as ways to improve your overall health and well-being, they won't be a burden. Over time you'll start to see how all of these things not only become routine, but actually help you to process things better and get a better idea of how you live your life (and things that need to change).

Even if treatment so far has seemed hopeless or you don't see yourself making progress, you are! It takes practice and time to understand how all of this works, and after living with something like depression, a healthy lifestyle is very hard to attain. Have patience, do your best, but remember, you're not getting anything out of something that you never put anything into.

⁶ Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 2 Corinthians 9:6

Lesson 6: Recovery is a process, it's not instantaneous

I've talked to a couple people who start treatment for depression and have expectations of feeling better after the first day. Whether you choose medication or psychotherapy, treatment is a process. Anti-depressant medications don't work overnight - they have to build up in your system and your body has to readjust before things start to take effect. And with psychotherapy, there are a lot of things to work through before you can really learn to fight depression. It has taken this entire year since I started treatment for me to learn what it looks like to take a thought or feeling, identify what triggered it, and find a feasible way to handle it whether it's a good thought or feeling or a bad one.

Even now that I am starting to understand depression and what feelings are normal and which I need to be concerned about, I need reminders sometimes, too, that it's ok to not have it all figured out yet. I also find myself reminding others of the same thing, especially if they have just started treatment or they compare their treatment with my own. We're all different and move at our own pace through our own journeys. Eventually we will all come to a healthy place where God can use our lives to His full intentions if we continue to put effort into our treatment and let God lead. More on this later, but for now, remember, take things one step at a time, one day at a time; and one step backwards never means you've failed if you've already taken ten steps forward!!!