The Tightrope

I am in the middle of a tightrope strung taut across a deep canyon. If I were to look down, I could not see the bottom, only the rushing current of the river below. At times the water crashes against boulders in the river with so much force that I am misted by the spray. I realize that I am currently standing over the deepest part of the canyon and have no form of harness or safety equipment. The volume of the waves and current crashing below me and the strong winds gusting through the canyon make it difficult to hear much of anything else.

I hear myself say, "Lord, you are my strength and my pillar. I will not look to the left or to the right."

At that moment a spot of light appears above the ground on the other side of the canyon, and my Father's voice says to me, "Child, take one step at a time and do not remove your eyes from that spot. If you lose sight of that spot by looking to the left or the right, you will surely fall. I have equipped you for success by becoming your strength. With me you have the strength and endurance to push beyond the wind and waters, to remain balanced in a gust of wind, and to take each step forward with confidence. Do not look away from the place I have provided for you."

With that I spread my arms, lift my chin, and fix my eyes on the spot of light. I know that looking down would cause me to doubt God's strength and fall to the river and rocks. I take one step at a time, pausing to right myself when the wind gusts try unsteady me or a spray of river water assaults me. I never once remove my eyes from the spot of light on the other side of the canyon. Slowly, but with confidence in the strength of my God, I make my way across the tightrope. As I reach the other side, I hear my Father ask me to stop before placing my feet on solid ground.

"Daughter," he says, "I want you to life a prayer of praise and worship before you step into the promise I have prepared for you." So I do, right there on the tightrope, only one step away from solid, secure ground.

As I praise my God with humility for the strength and endurance to reach my promise, I see clouds part and the spot of light grow to reveal the enormity of God's reward for my trust. He says, "Daughter, this is all yours because you placed your trust in my strength and endurance, accepting with humility your weakness, and were obedient to worship me before laying hold of your blessings. Others have not been as fortunate as you because they reach this side and never take the moment to acknowledge whose strength got them here. Their blessing remains limited by their desire to maintain a degree of control in their walk with me. But you, Daughter, have trusted me completely, so now step into the blessing I have prepared for you. I love you, Child. Welcome home."

As I take that last step onto solid ground, the expanse I see before me grows another ten times larger. There are sparkling waterfalls, large pastures with grazing animals, mountains pointing to the sun, meadows full of flowers, and a brook winding by with jumping fish. The peace and serenity that encompass me are indescribable, unfathomable. I know that no effort of the enemy could touch me here, and without a doubt, I know I am experiencing what true freedom really is.

On Standby

In psychology we have this very "scientific" term: the Bystander Effect. It literally is just what it sounds like. When an event occurs in a public space, those who observe tend to stand around and expect that someone else is going to take care of it. Example: a kid is being bullied at school. The other kids watch, laugh, encourage the bully, or in the very rare case, stand up for the kid. Thus, the bystander effect.

A few days ago God brought to my attention the way that the bystander effect occurs in His church, too. More often than not (in general), church members don't go out of their way to make a difference, be it by serving the pastor, greeting visitors, hugging the hurting, playing with kiddos, or even cleaning the bathrooms. I am blessed to be a part of a church where doing these things is second nature to most members, but it wasn't too long ago that I was attending a church where things like this went undone and people went uncared for because everyone was expecting someone else to do it.

Think about when someone is on standby for a flight. That person is completely passive, just waiting for the gate attendant to announce whether they have a spot on the flight or not. When we are "standby Christians" we are passive, just waiting for someone to tell us what we want to hear or give us what we need. The problem is that Christianity is not a passive faith. Can you imagine if Jesus had been a bystander? Things would be a lot different than they are today: the world wouldn't know of God's saving grace, chances are Jesus wouldn't have been crucified, and it is likely that you wouldn't be you.

God has called us to be more than bystanders. The very definition of our faith in Christ requires that our works follow that faith. Christ was a servant before He was anything else, and to stand by and watch others in need and do nothing is being like the Pharisees in the Bible. (Jesus wasn't a huge fan of them, btw.) Instead, we have a call to action. The very purpose of our lives on this earth is to point to our Heavenly Father, Creator, and King in every aspect of our lives. As a good friend of mine said the other day, "We're only here as vessels for God. This life isn't about us at all."

Rules for Dating God's Daughter

I'm sure most of us are familiar with the rules that a caring father has for men that want to date his daughter. Things like have her home by 10, don't break her heart, get to know her family, etc. We've all seen movies or TV shows where the dad threatens the kid with sure death if he does anything to hurt the man's little girl. There's that ounce of reverence in the boy's heart toward the girl's father because he knows that this man means business. I remember my dad telling me about his "application to date" his daughters and how he plans to "bring out the guns" upon first meeting potential suitors. At the time we all kind of knew he was jokingly serious, mostly because we didn't have boys lining up for a chance with us.

But have you every considered that God has rules for dating His daughters too? God designed romance, love, and relationship, so it's only logical that He would have an intended way that dating should occur. I believe that God intends for dating to occur with the intention of it leading to marriage. Casual dating, friends with benefits, hook-ups, and similar arrangements just don't fit with God's design for a man and a woman to become one flesh. Rather, those arrangements take what God meant for beauty and glorifying Him and makes it meaningless, purposeless, and hurtful. If you've ever had your heart broken, you know exactly what I mean. God doesn't impose rules to make life miserable or boring; He asks us to live a certain way because He knows it is the best way we can experience the life He created us to have.

Using the model of biblical marriage and Christ's love for the church, I've outlined some scriptural rules that God has for dating His daughters (Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, Titus 2, 1 Peter 3):

• Put her before yourself
• Cherish her for everything she is
• Lead her into closer intimacy with Christ
• Help her see how beautiful she is
• Defend her from those who try to hurt her
• Challenge her to live God's way

Girls! All this doesn't mean that you're off the hook!! You still have the responsibility to respect and honor him, submit to his godly authority, and trust in his ability to lead you. You are not entitled and shouldn't behave as such; you are, however, deserving of a love that reflects Christ's love for you. If the man you're with can't or won't do these things for you, isn't challenging you to grow in your faith, or is harming your relationship with God, your family, and your friends, it's time to move on. Break it off, cling to God, and patiently await the man that He is preparing for you.

Why Singleness is Actually Amazing

I've always been single. Never dated. Never even had a guy show interest (that I know of - I mean, I'm pretty inept at being able to tell...). In high school it didn't matter because hardly anyone actually dated (we were all a little too busy with those crazy AP classes and all things Christian school to date). In college, it still didn't really matter because most of my friends were single, too. It didn't really start to bother me until I became one of the only people left in my friend-group to be single. Now, I am one of two people in my friend-group who is not engaged, married, and/or having kids. At first this was extremely isolating. It's hard watching your friends fall in love, be surrounded by family, and know that when you go home the only one to greet you is your stuffed animal.

When this topic comes up with adults a bit more seasoned in life than me (i.e. old enough to be my parents), I get a lot of mixed comments. Some of them are gung-ho on finding me a man - like literally start to point them out and say, "What about that one?" Others of them say things like, "This is such a great chance for you to be independent and learn about yourself." or "Think about how much you couldn't do if you were tied down to a husband and family right now." And then the ones at church are often the ones to say "God is bringing you the man of your dreams; just be patient." If you've been single for your whole life, you know how annoying all of these responses are. For me, this was pushing me toward isolation, loneliness, and self-doubt. One night I looked God right in the face (ok, not quite literally) and told Him how frustrated I was with being so alone here, how being this far from my family and closest friends feels so wrong, and that I hated having to be patient even longer.

The response I got from Him opened my heart and mind to a new idea that a lot of singles don't discover. God showed me that if I were at home, I would still be relying on my mom and dad for emotional support, wanting them to commiserate with me over the hard days, and staying stagnant in my young adulthood. If I were at home, I would be attending a church where my past haunts me and my relationships have faltered. If I was dating, I would be seeking attention from a man who would likely take advantage of my history of codependency. But because I'm here, living alone, and feeling isolated, the only One I have left to run to is God. I have to rely on Him for emotional support, bring my hard days to Him, share my hurts and joys with Him, and live beyond my past. Here, I attend a church full of love where my past doesn't define me and I am challenged to live more like Jesus every day. Here, I have found friendships with people who love me too much to let me continue living life the way I always have. Here, I am growing, and not becoming independent,  but learning how to properly depend on God as my everything.

A lot of people say that being single is the greatest time in your life because you learn to do everything for yourself. I beg to differ. Being single is an amazing season of life, but it is because that is the prime time for learning how to trust God with your whole life and let Him help you through all the ups and downs. If you're not whole in Christ as a single, your brokenness is going to be permanently attached to someone else's brokenness, and you'll need a lot more healing to be whole as a couple.

Reign

Romans 6:12, "Do not let sin reign in your body."

The word reign can be understood in two different ways:
1. to rule over, make all decisions for (sovereign)
2. that which advises the decision maker

At royal court, there are varying degrees of authority. The King or Queen is the most powerful, but they have advisers that temper that power. If at any time one of the people they have at court is known to be a traitor to the crown, action is taken to remove that person and all of his influence at court as to prevent a threat to the royal family, the palace, or the nation.

When sin is allowed to stay at court in your heart or mind, it causes a traitorous uprising amongst them. It begins subtly taking control of your thoughts and actions, and you don't even realize how easily you hand over your power and authority. Soon, it is no longer you that is truly making your decisions, but rather the clouded judgment that sin has brought in. Sin is a traitor - it doesn't want what is best for you. It just looks enticing and friendly in the moment to get you to look away as the Enemy steals from you and attacks your palace.

So, how do we stop this? We are choice-makers. We have the ability to choose whether sin is allowed to stay at court or we take action against the traitor and all its influence. When sin tries to re-enter and advise us on our decisions, we have the power of Christ to make it leave and never come back. One work from us in Jesus's name makes the order final, just like when a king's seal is placed on an order to his people. There is no questioning the king's order, no trying to convince him otherwise. Once you've ordered sin out of your court, nothing and no one should be able to change your mind. Remind yourself of sin's traitorous nature and the harm it wants to cause in your life. Stick to your order and ask the Holy Spirit - your right-hand adviser - to help you. When the temptation comes to let sin back in, the Holy Spirit can be there to remind you of why you ordered sin out of your court and the havoc it was causing.

Royalty and the royal guard never lose their vigilance in protecting their court from the enemy. They know that if they do, the life of the king or the entire nation is at dire risk. they take all threats against the king seriously and protect him to the fullest extent. The same goes for the Holy Spirit and angels in the Christian's life. If we step into a danger zone, there is only so much the Holy Spirit can do to keep us alive and well - He cannot defy our free will to choose danger. We have to be vigilant at all times - it's when we get lax that sin can easily re-enter and destroy us.

Freedom Isn't Free

Romans 6

Baptism is representative of one dying to sin, sickness, and depression with Jesus Christ on the cross, and being resurrected with Him in the same power that gave Him new life. When we go back to the things that have died and let them have a place in our lives, it is like we are denying the death and resurrection of Christ. We were resurrected with Christ and have the power to overcome sin and death. It is our choice whether we do overcome. Why would a man freed from slavery and given power over the slave master go back to him and ask to be his slave again? People who have gained their freedom stand on that freedom and fight to protect it. They do all they can not to go back to slavery. It is a fight, though, to stay free - often the way of life in slavery was easier, less demanding, even so filled with a lot of pain and punishment. Some people give up the fight and go back because life there seemed easier - you just do what you're told to do, you make no hard choices.

We have to remind ourselves every day why we chose to leave slavery and what we are chasing after, fighting for. Freedom from sin comes with a price, but it also comes with a great reward.

When temptation to sin comes:

• Rebuke it and the devil the Jesus's name
• Take the thought captive in Jesus's name
• Plead the blood of Jesus over your mind, will, and emotions
• Do the righteous opposite of what the temptation is telling you to do

When you catch yourself in sin:

• Repent to God and to the person you sinned against (if possible)
• Forgive yourself as Christ forgave you
• Do whatever is necessary and possible to repair the damage
• Plead the blood of Jesus over your mind, will, and emotions
• Remain vigilant, guarding your heart from attacks of the enemy

At the end of the day:

• Ask God to reveal to you any sin that you still need to repent of
• Be willing to hear and acknowledge it with humility
• Do what must and can be done to repair it, involving the other person if possible
• Praise, worship, recommit to being vigilant of sin
• Plead the blood of Jesus over your mind, will, and emotions
• Command the devil to flee in Jesus's name and have no dominion over your thoughts and actions

At all times: CONFESSIONS, PRAISE AND WORSHIP

Integrity is My Only Option

Everything I do plants a seed or waters one that someone else planted, and my actions can determine whether that seed and water brings eternal life or eternal death. Thankfully, it's not me who brings growth to the itty bitty seed, but God uses my labor and love to produce His life in those He has given me influence over. Therefore, I need to constantly be aware of how I am building on the foundation that Christ laid.  What materials am I using? Am I willing to give my very best to help build the temple of God? Helping to build Christ's church is going to cost me - how much am I willing to spend?

In 1 Corinthians 3:5-17, Paul explains how our work builds upon the foundation of Christ, and in time, that work is going to be tested by God's holy fire. If we use flammable materials, our work will be destroyed and come to nothing; but if we use precious materials like gold, it will outlast the fire and become more pure as a result of it. Either way we are rewarded in heaven, but those who build with gold are rewarded at a greater measure.

Gold in this analogy is like our life - the most everlasting substance that becomes more pure as it endures more flame. What does it look like to give one's life for Christ in today's world?

• Leaving behind selfish desires that do not glorify God
• Thinking about how what you're going to do will effect the Kingdom of God

In countries represented by kings, the loyalest of subjects always thinks about how their actions will reflect on their king. They wouldn't enter into a battle or kill a man or even ride to another town without their king commanding it or thinking about the motive and the mission the king assigned. If he went against the king's wishes to any degree, he was punished even unto death because the king knew the importance of maintaining his image and reputation for the sake of his kingdom.

My King is Jesus Christ, and I must view Him with an even higher regard, acting only within His motive and mission, pursuing only the battles He assigns to me, and acting and living in a way that accurately and beautifully reflects who He is. My contributions to the Kingdom will be tested under fire. My life is saved, but there will be pain - a cleansing burn - if the materials I build with are not fireproof.

I want to give my life - my gold - to build the Kingdom of God. That means there are things I will no longer be able to do because they go against my love for Christ. With the Holy Spirit's help, I will discipline my mind and body to behave and function according to the will and nature of the Spirit of God. As I am transformed from glory to glory, my nature becomes more like His. Old ways of living have fallen away, and my desires change to fit His. The focus is NOT on not doing certain things but rather on doing those things which lead to transformation. The "not doing" becomes a byproduct - the fruit - of my new nature in Him.

How would Jesus respond to marriage equality?

When the Supreme Court ruling came out in support of marriage equality, social media blew up. We all saw it and many of us probably responded in one way or another. I purposely avoided responding to anything related to it because I wanted the time to really seek God's heart on this issue. Not just on how to treat those who live a different lifestyle than I do, but how to move forward as a Christian in a world that increasingly doesn't want Him. I spent some time in the book of John, exploring every interaction Jesus had with non-believers, and I came up with this image of Christ's response to the world around Him.

• His heart breaks with love for the sinner (John 3)
• He would treat them better than anyone else does - something they wouldn't expect from a Christian (John 4)
• He knows that the dead (physically and spiritually) will hear the voice of God and live (John 5)
• He would not pick and choose who can receive from Him (ex: feeding the 5,000 - He fed everyone in attendance) (John 6)
• He would be rejected by His family and friends who disagree with His teaching (John 6 & 7)
• He would NOT condemn them but tell them to "go and sin no more" (John 8)
• He would NOT force them to believe or live according to His Word. He knows the truth and the freedom it provides, but He also knows that judgment will get Him nowhere (John 8)
• He is a shepherd: a gentle leader, protector, and healer. He searches for the lost, broken, and hurting and knows what they need. He offers to meet those needs and endures their stubbornness. They follow Him because they know he'll provide for them and keep them safe. (John 10)
• He would NOT judge those who don't believe (John 12)
• He would disregard what others think of Him and follow the lead of the Holy Spirit (John 12)
• He would love them with agape (unconditional) love. Love is a choice to give up one's own needs or wants, not based on feelings, beliefs, or "chemistry" (John 13)
• He would be hated and persecuted by the world, and He would give His life for them anyway (John 15)
• He would rely on the Holy Spirit to grow in agape love, endure persecution, and be confident in who He is to God (John 15 & 16)
• He would PRAY (John 17)
• He would die so they can live (John 19 & 20)

In the wake of all that has been happening in America, from war to violence to denial of scripture, my mind has raced and my heart has struggled to know how a Christian should respond. How do you love someone unconditionally without saying their sin is okay? This is what the Holy Spirit showed me:

• Spend time with them, get to know them and their heart, build a relationship
• Spend time with Jesus. Maintain your own Christian walk and grow intimate with Christ
• Get to a place in Christ where they can see that you're different and want what you have
• When that door opens, teach and challenge them in the love of Christ

God loves us too much to let us live in sin because He knows that sin leads to death BUT He accepts us as we are now and gives us the love and support to become the person He created and designed us to be.

When a designer is putting together a project, they spend a lot of time planning, looking at ideas and options, deciding the best way that they want to present their image or message. They try various looks and characteristics together, play with fonts, colors, and graphics until it is just right. All of the trials along the way may be good, attractive, and appealing; but the designer has a vision in mind of what he or she wants the end product to look like. Only the designer knows perfection. When God designed each of us, He had a purpose and intention for our life. He knew which characteristics would best fit together to serve that purpose. To anyone else we might just seem "good," "attractive," or "appealing," but to the Designer we are perfect because He knows the exact purpose, image, and message for which we were created. His love and pride for His creation never fails, even if the creation fails to live up to its purpose. God doesn't cast us off and leave us to be ruined. Instead He comes and makes little changes to our character to restore us to His original vision. 

God loves us exactly the way we are but loves us too much to leave us that way.

Be Like David

I've always admired and esteemed David - a man after God's own heart. I've wanted to be like him, know God the way he knew Him. In reading the Psalms we get a beautiful picture of David's intimacy with God. David pours out his heart to God in every circumstance. He is honest and authentic in how he relates to God and about how he experiences life on earth. His transparency may seem disrespectful to some as he does not hold back his anger from God; but in every Psalm where anger is expressed, David submits himself in praise and worship, too.

Something that stood out to me today as I read Psalm 118 is that David "called on the Lord in distress" (v5). Now, this is nothing new to me, and he writes this in many of his Psalms; but today as I was reading it, it was like God said "this is how you get close with me." We all know the stories of how badly David messed up - adultery, murder, pride, covetousness - and it doesn't always make sense how a guy who has done all that can still be called a man after God's own heart. Cue the beauty of agape love. God's love transcends all of this sin and keeps us in right-standing with Him. It's not about all of the bad things David did or the depression and oppression he experienced in his life. It's about how he responded to those things. David called on the Lord.

In my own life, I have found that the way I respond to sin, hurt, disappointment, or depression can have two resulting effects:
          1. It can bring me closer to God and let me know Him deeper
or       2. It can push me away from Him to the point that I'm too ashamed to try to come back.
Obviously, I prefer the first result, so I must learn to respond accordingly. My response is a choice. And oftentimes it's a hard one - in the midst of that sin or hurt or depression, it feels a whole lot easier to react with my emotions, wallow in my sorrows, and pity myself. In the moment, that feels amazing. But later on it feels utterly miserable. In that moment of making the choice of how I am going to respond, I have to remind myself what the long-term result will be.

In following David's example, moments of sin and pain are meant to be opportunities to call on God. It takes humility to acknowledge sin or hurt and allow someone else to fix it ~ praise the Lord that Christ made it possible to be fixed! When we take up that humility and call on the Lord, it gives God the opportunity to exalt us, heal us, and make us whole again. If I really want to know God the way that David did, I must intentionally choose to let Him know me and heal me and restore me instead of running and hiding from Him.

There's Only Grace Now

I am absolutely loving what I'm doing. A couple of months ago I probably would have said something more like, "What did I get myself into?" Or, "Alright, that's it, I'm moving home to be a kid forever!" (Ok, I still have both of these thoughts on occasion, but now I know deep down I'm really just kidding.)

When I first moved to Winona Lake, I went through that honeymoon period. Everything was so new and exciting. I was living in the apartment I had had dreams about since signing the lease. I was connecting with people in my program cohort. Things were so great. But then in the thick of learning all things counseling, I hit that regret and confusion phase that every grad student does. Am I really supposed to be here? Is counseling really what I want to do? Am I always going to be this bad at counseling? I seriously lost track of how many times I contemplated dropping the program, how many times I called my mom and said I couldn't do this. But I pushed through, and here I am, knowing what my passion is and so excited that I have the chance to live it!

This sort of passion and perseverance is exactly what the devil wants to stop in our lives. And he knows exactly what he needs to do to each of us individually to stop God's plan in our lives. For me, it is making me feel isolated. Even when I'm surrounded by people and even have a few express their care for me, if I'm not on my guard, I can have thoughts slipping in that tell me I'm all alone in the world, nobody cares, and people aren't here for me when I need them. But I know good and well that's not true at all.

In the recent weeks of finishing my first year of grad school, I have been faced with this isolation a lot. Friendships have grown apart, stress has been overwhelming, and life has been plain exhausting. But there has been one place of solace, One person who has stuck it out, and the only thing to bring peace when peace is the most senseless thing to be had. I find myself taking on humility on a new level, recognizing that my own strength will not lead me to over come; I am only sufficient when I am in Him, and His strength is made perfect when I am at my weakest. I have felt more love, more purpose, more intimacy with Christ in these last weeks than I have in almost all the time since moving here. I recognize areas where I still need to grow and that will stretch me thin until I’ve been made complete; but in this moment, there is only grace now, and grace is all I need.

Bucket List Progress Report #2

These last couple of weeks have been busy!! BUT - I've been able to fit in time for a few fun and meaningful things too!!

#3: To kick it off, in the last week, I have tried strawberries and two kinds of cherries, as well as cooked apples. Now, here's the deal, none of them were my favorite. The strawberries were a little too sour; the cherries were pretty good, but I'm not a fan of the pits; and something was off about the texture of the cooked apples. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE fresh, crisp apples. But I think it was maybe the cinnamon and then the shock of the apple flavor? I don't know... anyway, they were all ok, but so far I've been sticking with my apples, bananas, and grapes. I wish I could be more creative, but with my crazy food sensitivities, I am counted out from trying anything citrus, and I've tried peaches, pears, kiwi, blueberries, and a few others in the past. Maybe I'll get up the gumption to try some of them again and see how it goes. For veggies, well, let's just say, my mom and I established that my corn, green beans, peas, carrots, lima beans, lettuce, and fresh broccoli are enough for right now, especially since it was really just this last year that I started eating salads like a bunny rabbit!

#5: So I haven't actually started learning the song, but I did go online and get myself the sheet music for about a dozen pretty gorgeous pieces of piano music!! I have them all together in a book and have started marking the music on a couple that I'd like to start with. Perhaps after my mom's catering event this week, I can begin on them on Saturday or Monday!!

#7: You know, sometimes it can be hard to pray for your friends everyday when you don't get to talk to them very often; but that is where you ask the Holy Spirit to guide you on what to pray for and then make an effort to get in touch with them. I've accepted that once I do my part, it's up to them to do the rest, so if they don't text me back or make time for us to meet up, then at least I have done what I feel I am supposed to do.

#9 & #27: As some of you may know, my family surprised my dad with a trip to the Black Hills, SD for Father's Day weekend. Not only was it a total success and super fun, it helped me knock off two things on my bucket list!! It really was a blast going out to Mount Rushmore again. It is so gorgeous and relaxing out there!! I just wish we could have stayed longer. On the second night there, we were hit with quite the thunderstorms and rain; but Ashley and I made the most of it and played in the rain. We had wanted to go see Mount Rushmore get all lit up, but that wasn't really an option. Although, it would have been pretty epic to say that we played in the rain at Mount Rushmore!! (Instead, we played in the rain in view of Mount Rushmore :) )

#18: Well, yesterday (Monday) I was assigned the task of taking one of our new clients to see an apartment he might be renting. I had never spoken to him or met him, and all I knew about him was his telephone number. When I finally showed up at his house (long story), we had about 2 hours together to chat and drive to get to the showing and back to his house. It was pretty great just talking with him about his life, growing up, his current family, and his love for reptiles. I think I learned more about snakes than I ever thought I wanted to!! Today when I called him to schedule another tour on Thursday, he even asked to see if it was me that would be taking him. I look forward to seeing what more comes up in the car then!!

#22: So the whole workout thing is so rewarding, but it is also super hard when my mornings tend to be booked up with all the things I can't do when I'm working in the evenings. Thankfully I've been able to make my house chores and stuff a little more intense of a workout (ever carry 40-60lb laundry baskets up and down stairs repeatedly??). It's not Zumba or swimming, but I am hoping to get back to those ASAP!!

#33: Today we had our first load of donations picked up by the Lupus Foundation of MN! It was fabulously easy and felt great to get some more stuff out of our house!! We are already gathering more stuff as we go so it is ready for their next pick up! The key is to put stuff in bags or boxes as you come across it. As I've been in my room, I might see something on a shelf or find a box of interesting things, and I'll take out a few that I don't need anymore and add them to a bag. By the end of the week, I'll have a full bag!! Plus, it is SO nice to declutter!!!

Bucket List Progress Report #1

Well, it has been a week since I posted my official summer bucket list, and I am proud to say I have completed a couple of the items on the list!!

First, I spent my sister Ashley's birthday out doing fun things with her all day. If you are friends with me on Facebook, you got to see our stops throughout the day, including going to see The Fault In Our Stars, having lunch at Noodle's, going home for some rest, and then stopping by the graduation reception at MCA for some cupcakes and catching up with old friends. We had originally planned to go to the Friday evening Joyful Noise concerts, but with the rain we decided to skip that. In all, it was a great day to celebrate Ashley turning 20, and a wonderful start to our sister dates for the summer. (Item #2.1 on list = complete!)

I have also been working on #22 - Establish a workout routine and actually DO IT. I have managed to reorganize my time to allow for a Zumba and weights workout 3 times/week, and on the days that I do not officially work out, I have other activities planned to keep myself moving. I've included things like cooking/catering (which I did for j6 hours on Saturday and 14 hours on Sunday), cleaning (you should see my room and other areas of the house), etc. On top of this, I have been doing really well at following the eating plan my dietician and I came up with to help solve some of the digestive issues I was having! So far, it's a great start. We aren't going to call this one complete until it becomes a habit, though :)

#29 - Send a card or letter to a different friend each week - complete for last week, and working on this week's :) Ya'll better be watching your mailboxes! (If I don't have your address and you would like a card, send me a PM or email and you're added to the list!!)

Lastly, #33 - Clean out my room and donate anything I haven't used this year. I managed to clean out my closet last week in little spurts between workouts and before work. I have one load ready to go to Goodwill ASAP and more in the works!

Unstoppable Summer: Must-Do Adventures Before I Move Away

Alright guys, here is my list for the best summer of my life so far!! My goal is to make the most of this summer in as many ways as possible. I'm gonna need your help on some of these, so if you want to join in, let's do it!! Keep me accountable, people!

Disclaimer: I have not included the things that are already "givens" for the summer, such as spending extra time with my parents/family, going to the barn every week, and working. So, Mom, in case you were worried that I forgot about you (which I NEVER could!), you and I are already booked!!!

 

1. Go on a one-on-one adventure with a different friend each month (June, July, August).

2. Go on dates with my sister at least once each month.

3. Try a new fruit and a new vegetable that will broaden my healthy-eating horizons.

4. Last an entire day without eating anything processed, packaged, or not in its whole form.

5. Learn a new song on the piano.

6. Lay in the sun and read for a whole day (with sunscreen of course!).

7. Choose one person in my life to pray for everyday, and make a point of talking with them about their life once a week.

8. Go to the quarries and jump of the cliffs into the swimming hole.

9. Take a road trip to some other state (other than Indiana, since I'm moving there!).

10. Read at least 5 books on the all-time classics list.

11. Volunteer somewhere at least once each month.

12. Celebrate Christmas in July, even send cards to my close friends!

13. Host a summer barbecue/picnic at my parents' house - campfire and all!!

14. Go wilderness camping (ok, or just camping in general).

15. Make a new friend and keep in touch with them after I move.

16. Visit children in the hospital.

17. Pay for the person behind me in line.

18. Talk to a stranger about their life for no other reason than to make them feel important.

19. Learn a few phrases in ASL.

20. Go to the beach.

21. Invite someone new to church.

22. Establish a work-out routine and actually DO IT.

23. Go visit a friend who lives too far away to see regularly.

24. Write something very well-thought-out and inspirational, even if I never actually share it (but I probably will, knowing me).

25. Write a research paper just for the fun of it.

26. Go see multiple movies in a row at the theater (at matinee prices, of course!). Even better - go to a drive-in movie!!

27. Play in the rain.

28. Color every picture in a coloring book and send each picture to a different friend.

29. Send a card or letter to a different friend each week as encouragement or just to say hi.

30. Learn something new about my best friend.

31. Pray for a celebrity that is making a difference in the world.

32. Bring lunch to homeless people.

33. Clean out my room and donate anything I haven't used this year.

That Sinking Feeling

If you grew up in church, even if you didn't, you are likely familiar with the story of Jesus walking on the water and the example of Peter that comes immediately after it in Matthew 14.

²⁸ And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” ²⁹ He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind,^[d] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” ³¹ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” ³² And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. ³³ And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

We've heard the message many times before - Peter sinks because he doubted that Jesus would carry him over the water; but I think sometimes it's easy for us to just quote it as a good story with a lesson rather than dig deeper into it's meaning for our lives. Have you ever thought about what it was that caused Peter to sink? Peter saw the wind. Peter saw that there were waves, that the water was deep and unsteady, and that he could be swallowed up by it at any moment. Immediately as Peter allowed his thoughts to go to those waves and their potential power over him, he lost the faith it took for him to step out of the boat.

Many of us as Christians have stepped out of the boat on many occasions: following the desires that God has placed in our hearts or even just the big step of accepting Christ as our Savior; but how long do your eyes stay on Jesus as you walk toward Him? See, Peter's journey to where Jesus was standing was likely only a few steps of faith across the sea, but it becomes an excellent metaphor for our journey in following Christ as our Lord and Savior. Each step is a chance for us to decide where our eyes are going to find their focus - is it going to be on Jesus or is it going to be on the ocean swirling beneath and around us?

I want to challenge you to think about what your ocean is. Is it financial trouble? Family problems? Health issues? What is it that continuously pulls your focus off from Jesus and causes you to sink in swirling waters? Take a minute and figure out what has had your attention more that Jesus has lately, and then continue reading.

The next step in your walk of faith across the water toward your Savior is to ask Him to open your eyes to His truth, love, and faithfulness; to establish in your heart a trust in Him that He is never going to let you sink. He will be your lifeguard, a stronghold for you to balance on as you walk across the waves. When you find your thoughts wandering to your ocean, immediately call on Jesus for peace and faith. Take a step toward Him and allow Him to keep you from sinking. I encourage you to find verses in the Bible that you can memorize such as Isaiah 26:3, "He keeps in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on Him, because he trusts in Him." Make your time in the Word and in prayer a priority. As you do these things, watch yourself rise above your doubts and fear and walk toward Jesus on the water.

It's Not a Competition

This weekend I was challenged with the fact of competition. The constant internal dialogue that goes through my mind comparing my life with the lives of others. The reality of how often I do the full once-over of all the other women in the room and think to myself "I bet she's never been through what I have" or "Thank God I'm smaller than her." Yeah, those sickening words run through more heads than just mine if anyone else is ever being honest. I thought about how often I think, "If only they could understand the stuff that has happened to make me the way I am" or "She's got it so easy compared to me" and realized that over the years, my past has been a sort of badge of honor for me. Like the more bad stuff that I can pinpoint that has happened to me, the better person I am now for it.

For example, when I share my testimony of God's faithfulness in my life, a lot of times my experiences with depression, anxiety, suicide, etc. come up. This weekend, when I was asked by a new friend what my story is, I was super convicted about how much of my past I share with some people. See, there's a huge difference between using simple details of your past to show how God brought you into new light in Him, and giving details that make people feel sorry for you, worry about you, or give you attention. That second one is, without a doubt, a form of pride, and not a healthy kind of pride. When I share my testimony, is it about what God did or about all the junk I suffered because of my disobedience?

It is likely that all of my readers have heard "Let It Go" from the Disney movie "Frozen." One of the lyrics in the song is "the past is in the past" and I don't think we quite understand how important that is in our Christian lives. Paul tells us in Philippians 3:13 to forget what is behind and press on toward what is ahead, toward the high calling of God. So then, our testimony is not so much about the past that God pulled us from, but rather more about how we are pressing into His calling on our life NOW. Rather than saying "I dealt with this for such and such years and was so depressed I wanted to die" and drawing people's attention to our suffering, we should be turning people's heads toward the hope and faithfulness of God's promises.

This doesn't mean to discount our sufferings or make ourselves unrelatable to those who need to hear of Christ's redeeming power in our lives. Paul also said we should glory in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces character and hope. But immediately before that, Paul tells us to rejoice (boast) in the glory of GOD and the grace that provides us with faith and a relationship with Him. In our sharing of what Christ has done in our lives, the ultimate redeeming story is the part where we show others how His grace can set THEM free.

My challenge to you is to leave the past in the past. Yes, it is always good to learn from our mistakes and see the ways that God has changed our lives. But it is more damaging to us and others when we bring up all the stuff we've been through merely for the competition factor of who's dirty past is the worst. When we do that, we are bringing glory to the suffering and building our pride rather than turning heads to the One who has taken our suffering and turned it into joy!

An oldie, but oh so good!!

Finding God in The Hunger Games

WARNING: This post contains LOTS of spoilers if you have not read all the books!!!

As I read the Hunger Games Trilogy, I found myself longing to be in the moments with the characters, experiencing every little bit of torture, sadness, victory, and love. Then I realized, I AM inside the Hunger Games. Not in the literal sense, but immediately I began picking up on the spiritual implications of what was happening in the books and movies.  While no story is going to be a perfect allegory for Christ or the Christian life, I believe there are a lot of parallels that allow readers to take a deeper look at their own spiritual condition and the life we are meant to live in Christ.

Katniss Everdeen is chosen before her life truly begins to become one of the greatest near-martyrs for a cause that will free an entire people from tyranny. Katniss is an unlikely hero, coming from one of the poorest districts and only having her experience with hunting as a skill to fall back upon (James 2:5). She requires training and must learn to trust her trainers and guides to be successful in the task she has been chosen for. This is much like the way we are chosen by God, before the beginning of time, to bring His people into freedom and life beyond the chains of the Enemy. We do not come prepared and equipped for the task set before us, but we are asked to trust God and learn and lean on the wisdom provided to us by our Trainer and Guide. (Matthew 22:14, 1 Peter 2:9)

The Enemy. Several times in the books, Katniss is told to “remember who the true Enemy is”. We are intuitive enough to realize that the enemy is not the other tributes who are meant to fight against her to the death. Rather, the Enemy is President Snow and his legions, the ruler of the Capitol, a symbol of the Dark Days, where an entire nation was obliterated and taken under the powers of darkness. Snow is even noted as snake-like according to Katniss’ narrative, similar to the snake in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3). Snow is represented by a rose throughout the book, which would seem almost a contradiction as the Rose of Sharon has been used in the Bible as a symbol of Christ or at least of perfected love (Song of Solomon 2:1). However, just as the serpent in the Garden took on the guise of God, Snow is taking on the guise of Katniss’ redeemer or His perfect love.

Just as our Enemy, Satan, conjures up memories of our past to hinder us from rising to our full potential for the future, Snow uses Katniss’ weaknesses and losses to hold her back from realizing what she was truly meant to do. It is not until she sees beyond the pain and torture of her past that she realizes her true calling and what she needs to do: take down the true Enemy.

As chosen ones, we are provided with protection, a guide, a mentor, much like Haymitch is to Katniss. While there are flaws in Haymitch’s character that distract from my point, I mean to liken Haymitch to the Holy Spirit. He is ever present in Katniss’ life, even to the point of being in her ear and her mind when they can’t be in person. They understand each other and he guides her with what she is to say and do. There are times that Katniss deviates from what Haymitch guides her to do, and there are consequences to that such as lost lives or increased threat upon her own life. However, Haymitch uses these moments to bring her back to being able to trust him to protect her and to be on her side no matter what. In the end, Haymitch and other allies are able to testify for Katniss in her trial, which results in her being made free. He is even assigned to go live with her in District 12 for the rest of their days. (John 14:15-18)

The Games and the arena. In his efforts to maintain control over the districts, Snow continues a 75-year-old tradition of pitting civilian children against each other in a fight for the death in an arena controlled by him and his forces. Just as we are placed on this earth where the god of this world (Satan) has complete control, the tributes are placed in the arena where Snow and his gamemakers are designing the worst possible torture in an effort to destroy those who may impact the future (we see this theme especially in Catching Fire and Mockingjay due to Snow’s extreme dislike for the way the 74th Hunger Games ended). Rather than viewing the entire world as the arena in this analogy, however, I’d like to suggest that the arena represents our specific battlegrounds (whether it be our thought life, an area of addiction or recurring sin, etc.). Exactly as we see it occurring in our own lives, the tributes are fighting against each other when what they truly should be fighting against is the Enemy. While Satan has complete control over this world, we are granted a source of power in having Jesus at our side and the Holy Spirit as our guide to strategically defeat the Enemy. Despite all the attempts of the gamemakers to defeat Katniss and Peeta, they come out triumphant in the end because of their sponsors and their training before the Games. This is very similar to the training we are raised up in before battle by going to church, getting in the word, and learning how to use our weapons and defense.  Notice that the weapon Katniss has been training with and using her whole life is what becomes her strongest asset when the battle comes! When we neglect to train properly, including in our minds, we are just like all of the other tributes that are underprepared and end up destroyed and defeated. (Ephesians 6:10-20) (1John 5:4) We do not fight against flesh and blood but against principalities and rulers of the darkness (Ephesians 6:12).

            The Capitol. In the story, the Capitol is the most perverse and disgusting, gluttonous part of the nation of Panem. The people who live there feed on the misfortune and lack that exists in all of the other Districts. This is the place from where the Enemy rules, likened to the way in which Satan rules this world.

            The Districts. At first there are only 12 Districts mentioned as it is believed that the 13^th has been destroyed. However, we come to find out that the District 13 has been undercover and preparing for the battle of the century. District 13 has been serving as the training grounds for those refugees who are going to aid in the revolution and bringing freedom to Panem. A suggestion is that Districts 1-12 represent the 12 tribes of Israel, God’s chosen people (Deuteronomy 14:2), and District 13 is like the preparation area for all the saints and angels that are preparing for the apocalypse. While this could go into a TON more detail, it seems as though an entire blog would need to be designed just to explain the intricacies of the Book of Revelation. If you’re curious, I’d start there J

At first we see Katniss as a selfless volunteer to take her sister’s place in the Hunger Games. However, as we watch Katniss’ character develop, it becomes harder to see whether she is truly selfless. I believe that there is a part of her that is like all of us – out to protect our own lives, unable to face the reality of what a loss on the account of the Enemy could do to us. The loss of Katniss’ loved ones and the thought of having to try to live without them is a common theme to what keeps Katniss doing what she is doing. It takes an act of true, selfless love to show her what it really means to be fulfilled. This act comes from Peeta in many ways. Over time, Katniss begins to feel and act in the same love that Peeta has shown her from the beginning. He has pledged his life to keep her safe and does everything, including sacrificing his own life, to save her. In the end, the love penetrates Katniss’ heart and gives her the wisdom to do what she was made to do; and as a result, both Katniss and Peeta are brought together in a bond of love that goes beyond the romance that was such a strategy in the games.

Peeta is the Christ-figure in our little allegory. Snow has captured Peeta and is using him in a ploy to gain Katniss’ faithfulness. However, Katniss remains faithful to Peeta after much debate over whether he is worth the cost he could be to her life. Peeta relies on Haymitch to protect Katniss while he is captured in the hands of the Enemy and tortured on her account. Constantly, we are reminded that everything Peeta is getting is what the Enemy really meant for Katniss. Instead, Peeta is left to suffer, but Katniss suffers, too, at the realization of what her actions have caused the one person to endure that has shown her the truest form of love. Peeta breaks out of the hands of the Enemy over time and shows Katniss how to be strong and how to triumph. It is Peeta’s coming back to District 12 to be with Katniss that draws Katniss out of her painful past and allows her to experience love and a life of purpose with Peeta. (Revelation 17:14, Isaiah 53:5)

Katniss was prepared to meet her lover over and over again, each time made more beautiful and perfect than the last. When Peeta came back to District 12 to find her, Katniss had been repaired by the doctors and sent home to wait for him, although unknowing of his return. Peeta saw her as perfect in those moments and took her full in love to himself. This is just like the way we are covered in glory and transformed from glory to glory and prepared for our meeting with our bridegroom Jesus Christ at a time unbeknownst to us. (Isaiah 61:10, Revelation 21-22)

There are many other parallels that have been drawn between scripture and The Hunger Games trilogy, but these are the ones that stood out the most to me over my time reading them and studying some of the scripture that God led me to. It is rare to be able to find God in the mess of Hollywood movies, but I encourage you to ask God to show you His truth in the lies that are this world whenever you are exposed to them. I’d love to hear what others have to say about these things!!