Lesson 12: God is the only place we find true freedom

For most of my life I've known the importance of having God involved in my everyday existence. It's not been until recently that I've started to take note of the difference between the days that I invite Him to be a part of my day and the days that I ignore or refuse His presence in my day. Someone asked me this past week why I would refuse to let Him in my day if those days result in so much joy and peace. When she put it that way, it made me think a little harder about why I don't always let Him in. Do I enjoy being miserable? That seems a little odd...

Part of recovering from depression is relearning what a normal day is supposed to look and feel like - it's strange to someone like me to have all joy and roses everyday! But that doesn't mean it's wrong to have all good days!! That's just one more part of God's blessing of abundant life on His people! On the days where I ask God to join me, be my strength and my stronghold through whatever the day brings, and use me in whatever ways He desires, those days are the ones that stick out in my memory as being the most meaningful and profitable. The ones where I focus on myself and my pain, or look only to my own strength are the ones that hold their place in my bad memories, the times that are dragged up and thrown in my face when the Devil is trying to get me down.

This concept goes for anyone - not just those who are dealing with depression or other attacks - literally for everyday living. I am making it my goal to be able to say that I can recognize where God has been involved in every part of my day and consciously invite Him to walk through it with me, whatever it may have in store. My first thought when I get out of bed should be thanking God that I am able to do so, and my last one before going to sleep should be thanking Him for the ways He used my life that day, and all of them in between should be asking for His help and thanking Him for His strength at all times. He does say to "pray continually" and that's exactly what we should be doing!

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances.

Lesson 11: Practical ways to get out of a rut

Whether you experience depression or not, we all have days that make us feel as though we're "in a rut" or just feeling down. The worst part of feeling that way is when you feel like you can't get out of it. With depression, this kind of feeling can be the only way of life that someone knows. For the longest time, being in a rut was something I considered safe because I had never really known anything different. In reality, the rut isn't a safe place at all because once you're stuck there, your thoughts and feelings just take off with you and it can be really scary to see where you end up.

Over the last year I've learned a few ways to help work my way out of a rut - it's not instantaneous by any means. It takes patience and perseverence you get yourself up and out of those thoughts and feelings. It doesn't just happen because you've tried one thing or another. I've put together a list of some of the things I've found to help me and what I've heard from other people help them:

• Journaling - even if you're not usually one to keep a journal, having something where you can just write down phrases that come to mind or feelings you have throughout your day can help you process what all is going on. If you are an avid journaler, go at it! I sometimes have a contest against myself to see how many pages I can write that are positive versus those that are negative.
• Reading - if you're a student, this one may sound daunting, but try reading something you enjoy. Even if you don't like reading, if you find the right book, blog, etc. you may just find a new favorite pastime.
• Logic problems - no joke - those obnoxious things Mr. I. used to make us do in math actually serve a purpose!! When you have to focus so much thought toward something so complicated, it is really challenging to keep your focus on your problems. You'll also have great satisfaction from figuring it out!
• Exercise - now, don't go over the top with this one, but taking half an hour every other day to do something active like zumba, yoga, pilates, weight lifting, running, wall climbing, ice skating, swimming, dancing, or whatever you like to do will release endorphins (good feeling hormones) and keep you in shape. Plus, a physical challenge distracts you from your mental challenges as well.
• Crafting - not to sound too girly, but sitting down and creating something with your hands can be really relaxing. Knitting, crocheting, paper crafting, writing letters, etc. are great ways to keep your hands and mind busy. I like to pop in my favorite movies to play in the background while I'm working because then my thoughts really have to work to keep up.
• Spend time alone with God - this is the most important one of them all. No doubt it is not usually the first thing any of us want to do when we're feeling low, but it is the only thing that will truly get us up out of our rut. I've noticed that when I force myself to read the Bible, pray, or have time in worship, my attitude toward what it can do for me slowly changes. Like anything else, it's not instantaneous, but with patience and God's help, it works.

Lastly, I've found that if you have one or two friends that you can call on for support, it helps a lot with processing the thoughts and feelings that are going through us. Keep in mind, though, my post about healthy boundaries.

Your friends are the second place you go after you've already taken it to God.

Lesson 10: Treatment is something you have to do for yourself

Just like having faith in God is a personal issue, treatment is another one of those things that while you get support from those around you, it is ultimately up to you. I've been relearning this concept over and over again, and especially lately.

When I've been finding myself in low days or ruts, the defining moment of my day isn't the feelings I have throughout, but what I DO with those thoughts, feelings, and resulting actions. For example, I have the option of taking my thoughts captive, dwelling on my thoughts until they consume me, bringing God into the situation to ask for help, or finding as many friends to text as I can.

As much as I love my friends and all they do to support me, the responses I know will get me the best results are the ones where my focus is returned to God no matter what. This is really a struggle for me sometimes - I like to have attention on my problems because it gives me the sense that people care, so when I take it just to God and have no one to commiserate with, it is hard for me to really work things out. Part of that comes from the last lesson of pushing God away. It's a daily choice whether we will pick up our cross and follow Him, but that choice can change the entire course of our day.

And this brings me back to treatment (and faith) being our own personal issue. Here's the deal: yes, we are created to be relational and to share in one another's burdens. BUT that does NOT mean that we simply unload everything onto someone else and do nothing ourselves. It is good to have people that will pray for you and hold you accountable (even counselors do this), but when they replace God and your own efforts in your life, things start to spiral down very quickly until those relationships crash and burn.

If you have a support system like mine, you probably hear quite often that you need to take things to God, find time to be in the Word, pray, and ask for His help in choosing Him every day. And if you're like me, sometimes you cringe at those responses because you wanted someone to have a pity party with you. BUT in the end, those responses are exactly what you need to get yourself back in gear and get your focus back on God. Between you and Him, there is nothing (even treatment and recovery) that is impossible!!

Lesson 9: God doesn't walk away - you do

A lot of people facing depression feel like God has abandoned them, that He's the whole reason they're in this mess and there's no way He's still around to see them through. Here's the thing, Deuteronomy 31:8 says "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” That's a promise! Something I have had to discover this year is that when I feel distant from God, it's not that He isn't there - it's that I have pushed Him to a distance. If you really think about it, when you are far from God, you usually first realize it because something (God Himself) is trying to pull you back to Him. A god who wants to be distant from you wouldn't be trying to bring you back to his side, but our God is always drawing us closer and closer to Him.

Something I've noticed in my own life is that I fall into the habit of relying on myself rather than putting my trust and faith in God - it's not that I don't trust or believe He can care for me, just that I can do it fine by myself. After awhile, the focus shifts away from Him and onto ourselves which leads us right down the path of focusing on our problems, our past, our pain, and none of the things God has blessed us with. It is so easy to go about our day without even acknowledging God's presence in it, but the reality is that He is in every single little part of it whether we recognize it or not.

How much better would every day be if we took the time to notice all the ways God is blessing us throughout our day and make a point of thanking Him for every single one? I know I have a hard time doing this, especially on my low days, but when I force myself to do it, I find that I just can't stop. It's true what people say - when you are focused on God and His blessings, it is impossible to be focused on yourself and your problems!

Lesson 8: Healthy Boundaries

Something that anyone should learn early on in life is how to have relationships with healthy boundaries - whether it is with friends, teachers, coworkers, a boss, parents, or romantically. As soon as boundaries are crossed it is very hard to go back to the way things were. This goes for boundaries of trust, love, intimacy, anything. Over the past year I have definitely learned in many ways what this looks like.

Friends: I used to be someone very slow to trust, and I tend to still be that way; but when I meet someone who I just "click" with, it is easy for me to abandon all sense of caution and share deep parts of my heart with them. Sometimes that works out just fine, and other times it ends in utter chaos. One thing that I would say I've started "requiring" in my friends before I willingly share things with them is that we are on the same page spiritually. If we are both living our lives with God as center and defined by grace, I find it is much easier for both of us to keep the relationship on a healthy level. This also goes for the receiving end. If you have a friend that tends to share every aspect of their life with you and it is too much for you to take on or you feel as though you are carrying too much of their burden, you need to tell them! Take the time to sort through the boundaries in your friendship and make sure they are healthy and workable for both of you. If you tend to be that clingy or over-sharing person, ask you friend to tell you if it gets to be too much or if they need a break. Communication is vital. This should also be the starting point for any romantic relationship, except that physical boundaries should also be discussed right away.

Family: It can be hard to establish boundaries with family because they tend to know your best and worst, and often are the cause for both. If you are an adult, though, it is time to make sure the boundaries set between you and your parents are good for both sides - the parents are always going to love and care about you and it will be hard for them to "let go" as you get older and stop telling them so much about your life. Give them some grace. Do your best not to lose it on them if they ask where you've been - instead tell them nicely but ask them in the most loving way possible if you can have a little space within reason. Don't just strip them of everything they've ever known all at once. If you have siblings, you will most likely start seeing your relationships with them become more like friendships, especially if you aren't living at home anymore, but they will always be your siblings, so don't expect the rivalry to go away completely :)

Others: In more formal relationships or with those people you don't grow as close to, remember to keep them on a level of acquaintance. If you tend to wear your feelings on your sleeve or share your problems with anyone who will listen, you will need to work at keeping those boundaries up. That's what your close friends are for. Ease into those relationships and maybe they'll lead to friendships; but jump in head first and you may just find yourself gasping for air and wondering how you can end that particular relationship.

Don't forget: ³³ Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33)

I found this out the hard way with several friendships I had during my first couple years of college. Unfortunately I shared too much with a couple of these friends and it was too late by then. Thankfully, I was able to find a way to break off these unhealthy relationships and rebuild the others with healthy boundaries. I wish, though, that I had been more sensible in the beginning with choosing where I set my boundaries with those individuals.

Lesson 7: You only get out of treatment what you put into it

When I first started treatment, it was almost out of desperation - I needed help and would take it from almost anywhere that could guarantee me I would be feeling better soon. I find this is the case with a lot of people I have talked to about their experiences with treatment. What a lot of people don't realize going into it is how hard treatment is going to be. It's not laying on a couch and just saying whatever comes to mind like we so often see portrayed in movies. In reality, you are asked to really think critically about situations you find yourself in, analyze your thoughts and feelings and where they come from, and often even get 'homework' of sorts that needs to be completed by the next session.

Now, all of this is also dictated by you. Yes, the therapist is going to give you things they want you to do, and they're going to ask questions and such; but ultimately, what you give them to work with determines how much help you can recieve from them. If you never want to say anything in your sessions, that's fine. It can take time to get to a place where you trust your therapist enough to talk openly with them. Just know that if you don't say anything, they don't know anything about your situation and can't help you as easily as they otherwise could. They also aren't going to force anything out of you - they make ask a lot of questions, but no one can get more information from you than you are willing to give. With this in mind, take the chance to test the waters a little bit - see how much you are able to handle sharing - instead of diving in all at once.

Ok, with the 'homework' mentioned before - don't get discouraged. It's not overwhelming and it's not even really an assignment. Think of it more as a part of your every day routine that is going to get you living healthy. Whether your therapist asks you to keep track of your mood at various times throughout the day, schedule yourself for a massage, journal, work out, or look into using a new medication, if you look at these things as ways to improve your overall health and well-being, they won't be a burden. Over time you'll start to see how all of these things not only become routine, but actually help you to process things better and get a better idea of how you live your life (and things that need to change).

Even if treatment so far has seemed hopeless or you don't see yourself making progress, you are! It takes practice and time to understand how all of this works, and after living with something like depression, a healthy lifestyle is very hard to attain. Have patience, do your best, but remember, you're not getting anything out of something that you never put anything into.

⁶ Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. 2 Corinthians 9:6

Lesson 6: Recovery is a process, it's not instantaneous

I've talked to a couple people who start treatment for depression and have expectations of feeling better after the first day. Whether you choose medication or psychotherapy, treatment is a process. Anti-depressant medications don't work overnight - they have to build up in your system and your body has to readjust before things start to take effect. And with psychotherapy, there are a lot of things to work through before you can really learn to fight depression. It has taken this entire year since I started treatment for me to learn what it looks like to take a thought or feeling, identify what triggered it, and find a feasible way to handle it whether it's a good thought or feeling or a bad one.

Even now that I am starting to understand depression and what feelings are normal and which I need to be concerned about, I need reminders sometimes, too, that it's ok to not have it all figured out yet. I also find myself reminding others of the same thing, especially if they have just started treatment or they compare their treatment with my own. We're all different and move at our own pace through our own journeys. Eventually we will all come to a healthy place where God can use our lives to His full intentions if we continue to put effort into our treatment and let God lead. More on this later, but for now, remember, take things one step at a time, one day at a time; and one step backwards never means you've failed if you've already taken ten steps forward!!!

Lesson 5: God has a purpose for what you're going through

It's easy to feel like God is causing you to suffer through something that appears to be ruining your life. I used to feel this way about depression because I didn't fully understand what was happening to me. It took me about a year of studying to figure out what exactly it means for God to use our suffering for His glory.

God doesn't give us pain or suffering. That all comes from the enemy of our souls, the one trying to yank us out of God's hands, out of His almighty plan. What God does is takes everything we experience, good and bad, and works it into a plan we can't imagine or understand to ultimately bring Him glory. In the process, we get to discover what it feels like to be used by God and live in His freedom. The purpose of any one of us being on this earth is to live life as an example of God's grace to bring more people into His Kingdom.

I've finally started to see how God intends to use my suffering for His purpose. After sharing my testimony both on my blog and at the InterVarsity Large Group meeting, I faced both a lot of opposition from the enemy and a lot of encouragement by the responses from other people. Some people gave me encouragement to keep pressing on in my own journey, but others took the time to share their stories with me and I've been able to encourage them and help them find the resources they need. This has been so fulfilling and confirms even more to me that what I plan to do for a career is exactly what God intends.

To those of you experiencing suffering, I would encourage you to focus not on the suffering, but on the good things that can come of it. Remember what Romans 5:3-4 says: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Lesson 4: Vulnerability is not a weakness

Today's lesson goes well with yesterday's lesson. Many people have made comments to me lately that imply that their view of vulnerability is that it is a form of weakness, that letting someone else get close enough to see who you really are means that you aren't strong enough to do life on your own. Well, good news people! We were never meant to do any of this stuff alone!

God created us to have relationships. Our first and most important relationship should be the one we have with Him. We are designed to need Him and our life fulfills it's biggest purpose when we fully rely on Him. He also designed us to have relationships with the other people He has chosen to place in our lives, whether they are family, friends that may as well be family, a pastor or mentor, or in necessary situations, a professional counselor.

When we choose to share our lives with other people, it not only makes us stronger, but it empowers and encourages others, too. We become stronger when we rely on other people, not weaker, because two are not as easily overcome, and three are not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). If you tend to be one who is wary about trusting someone close to you because of fear of judgment or that they may not feel the same about you after they know your dirt, I would encourage you to take the step of being vulnerabe with them. You don't have to divulge all your life's secrets, but even taking the time to share a simple feeling with someone else can bring the two of you closer and give you something to identify with between the two of you. You'll be amazed at how God can use your friendship to strengthen both of you and also be a light to others around you!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!

Lesson 3: There is no shame in asking for help

So much of the stigma around depression or any mental disorder is that it is a weakness, something to be ashamed of and to hide; but there is absolutely nothing shameful in depression. It took me awhile to accept this idea because I had talked myself into believing that it was not ok for me to have depression for so long. When I finally admitted that what I was feeling was not normal and realized that I would never be healthy on my own, I was able to start learning how to let other people help me.

Now I seek help from all over the place. My main source of help, of course, is God, and I am so thankful for all that He has done for me. I also have learned that having a mental health professional who can look at my situation from a healthy state of mind and help me to see things the way they really are rather than how they appear through my depression is an invaluable blessing. My parents and friends, especially a couple close ones that I talk to daily, have also been a huge part of my recovery without them really even knowing it.

As someone who has benefitted from taking the step of faith to ask for help, I have a word of encouragement for anyone reading this:
First, those of you who have not experienced something like depression or another mental disorder, I would encourage you to educate yourself on the reality of the situation for a person who is living with this in their life. It is not something to be joked about or made to seem like a weakness or failure on their part - it is a very real, very debilitating part of life that needs to be treated seriously but without making it shameful.

Second, if you are someone who is living with depression or a mental disorder, take advantage of the resources that are out there! Take a step of faith to admit you need help and don't be ashamed of what you're experiencing! Keep God in the forefront of your mind, and don't let others opinions of you rule your life. Reach out to people you can trust and that love you, and ignore those who try to tear you down.

Lesson 2: Depression does not define you

When I was first diagnosed with depression I felt like it had officially become my label - who I was and all I could ever be. That's not the case though. As a Christian, there are a lot of things I am, but depression is not one of them. In Ephesians we are given a whole list of things that we are and have as a result of Christ's sacrifice. This is just a few:

• every spiritual blessing
• holy
• blameless
• His child
• grace, freely and generously given
• redemption
• forgiveness
• purpose
• chosen
• salvation
• makred with a seal
 

To this day I still have friends that limit me to what they know of me in my depression. When they talk to me, that's all they want to know about, and if I say I'm fine, they go fishing for reasons that I shouldn't be. It's just as hard for me to believe and remember every day that I am free in Christ - not defined by the label of depression.

If you listen to Christian radio, you've likely heard the song "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North. The chorus of that song says: You are more than the choices that you've made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create, You've been remade.

I've posted the official video here:

I encourage you to listen to it, and really pay attention to the lyrics. This song describes me and so many people in similar situtations so very well. But I am finally learning what it means to be described the way God describes me.

 

Think before you label someone based on the outside. You don't know what's going on inside.

Lesson 1: Depression is not an excuse; it's an explanation

I still remember when my counselor first told me this - it made SO much sense!! But it also meant I had some responsibility in this whole thing, too.

Depression is not an excuse. This statement can go a couple different ways. The way you behave when you're depressed can't be passed off as a "depressed moment" of aggression, anger, risky behavior, or acting out some other way. Sometimes it's hard to know how to control these behaviors, but one of the best things for you is to experience the consequences that come from losing your temper or causing someone else pain because you'll learn how to deal with it better next time.

Another way to look at depression not being an excuse is that it is not, for any reason, a way to get out of doing things you don't want to or don't feel like doing. Even on your lowest days, you CAN push through. It is healthy to take a day off here or there to get some sleep and take care of yourself, but it shouldn't be spent wallowing in sorrow - it should be spent doing something that makes you feel good, something you enjoy.

Depression IS an explanation. What I mean by this is that depression is a systematic mental disorder that has its causes and effects. It's impossible to deny that depression plays a role in the way a person who has it lives their every day life. Speaking from experience, being exhausted, moody, so sad it hurts, feeling like you're dragging baggage around every day - those things are undeniable and a very real part of depression. But with time and help, a person with depression can learn how to work through all of those things and live a life of freedom.

This being said, the fact that I am recovering from depression does not mean that I am excused from the normal social rules of behavior and interaction; but it does give more of a background as to why exactly I may behave the way I do in certain instances. This goes for really any mental disorder - it doesn't mean you need to give the person a bunch of slack or pity. Actually, the best thing you can do for them is have expectations for them that are about the same as you would have for a "normal person" but allow little amounts of grace and give encouragement when it gets tough for them to meet those expectations. They will appreciate that you take the time to recognize what they are living with but still treat them as a real person with real potential and not a castoff.

One Year in Twelve Days

As some of you know, December 1st will mark the one year anniversary of my starting treatment for severe depression. I can hardly believe it's already been that long!!



In an effort to celebrate how far I've come in the last year and to encourage myself and others to keep on striving for health, I've decided to share one thing I've learned from each month that I've been in treatment. I'll be sharing these mini-lessons on the twelve days leading up to December 1st with a "final lesson" and exhortation. I hope you all enjoy them and find encouragement in them as I have.

Lesson #1 will be posted on Monday, November 19. If you would like to subscribe to my blog using a google account, you will be able to follow the posts as they come!

Blessings and have a fabulous weekend!!